First off, I was having trouble naming this post because it was either that or “Stop assuming everyone is passive-aggressive.” I chose the “White Knight” because passive-aggressiveness isn’t always the issue of what I’m trying to talk about here. Either way, I’m just bad at titles.
Everyone is passive-aggressive to an extent. There are also different types of passive-aggressive behavior. Some are more severe than others that it gets especially annoying and unhealthy. And others rarely if not never have to act that way when they don’t get it their way or they don’t agree with something. I’m the latter. I think clear communication is awesome and important. If something is bothering me, I have no qualms expressing that in a calm manner and finding a solution for it. I don’t hold grudges either.
Lately, I’ve had at least two people treat me as if I was trying to hint something and they tried to cater to that. I find it very annoying because I’m not that kind of person. I don’t hint things to get what I want. I don’t make subtle grunts or “hmphs” to suggest that I’m not happy with something. I actually express it very, very CLEARLY if that were the case. Like, when I’m just taking a single deep breath or clearing my throat, certain people react to it quickly and ask me “What’s wrong?” because they assumed it was their queue to be concerned.
Uh… nothing, I just wanted to get more oxygen!
Sometimes in the mornings, I get allergies and just after one sniff, without any hesitation, someone would ask “Omg, are you alright?” assuming I was crying.
Yep, it’s just the usual morning snot. K thanks.
While it is nice to know that someone cares about you. I think the mind-boggling part here is if you hear someone sniffling, what are the chances of them actually crying in front of you VS. someone having allergies? Why assume crying over the usual allergies, when you’ve never cried in front of them before but they’ve heard your sneezing every now and then?
When someone says they’ll get me lunch and I keep insisting that I don’t want lunch from them, they surprise me with lunch regardless because they think I secretly really wanted one and I’m just trying to be polite by saying “no.”
No. I legitimately did not want this food you bought. I was really looking forward to going to a Vietnamese sandwich shop on my own, but instead you got me a burger and it’s hella greasy. If I wanted you to buy food for me, I would’ve say yes. Like, duh.
It’s stuff like that that I’ve been dealing with and it irks me. I feel like these type of people do it because they are somewhat the same way so they assume that is how everyone else regularly communicates, or they are constantly around other people who tend to “hint” for things so they are simply use to that kind of behavior.
Ultimately, it is nobody’s job to try to read other people’s hints. And if someone expects you to try to figure out their mood, don’t. It is not your damn problem.