Am I the only person in this universe who actually enjoys going to the dentist?

I have an appointment with the dentist tomorrow afternoon and since I’m so delighted about my forthcoming oral spa-like treatment, thought I’d should share how immense my love is for the dentists to you.

Like any normal child, I, too, was once petrified of them. No, but really, I’m surprised that I’m not traumatized by the first dentist-turned-Freddy Kruger that I had in my childhood years. I’m telling you, man, that bitch was the worst of THE WORST dentist you could possibly get, and she probably hated kids too.

The lady that I use to get my teeth done usually wore a white lab coat that always had crusted blotches of red and brown splattered all around the stomach area. She was always talking smack about how gross my teeth were to my mother, but the assistant would always come to my rescue and mumble his obliging words of encouragement to me such as, “Don’t listen to her she just likes being mean.”

She never injected enough Novocain into my gums, so every tooth that was pulled, every tooth that was repetitively yanked by her stingy-i-don’t-want-to-waste-my-novocain-butthole, I had felt (could you have imagine the molars?!?!).

When I found out I had to surgically remove four of my wisdom teeth at the age of 17, the first thing I did was to find a new dentist practice because there was no way on earth I’d go back to that place which bears a striking resemblance of the movie Hostel to SURGICALLY remove MY wisdom teeth. No, hell no, that’s like equivalent to eating a pile of boogers and then jumping into a river of flesh eating piranhas.

Well I had later found a new place that I actually liked. The people seemed caring and professional, as they should; everything was clean including their lab coats. And you get your own personal room with a TV at the top of the corner. Yeah, TVs always good, but sometimes I get this dentist that has really huge tits and her tits are always blocking the TV when she performs on my teeth, and I’m always tempted to ask her to move her tits out of the way so I could watch an episode of Full House, but I guess that’s alright.

I’ve been going there for the past couple of years because the stuff they do to my teeth feels like a luxurious massage made in heaven, including the shots they inject into my gums whenever I need to get my cavities filled. Yeah it is sort of painful, but it hurts so good!

They even told me that I make their job a piece of cake. Did you know that dentists have one of the highest suicidal rates than most careers? That’s because people either hate them or they’re completely terrified of them or both. It’s unfortunate but it’s very true. So the next time you see your dentist, try not to give them a hard time.