Ever feel like playing an easy and painless joke on a total stranger? If so, look no further, I’ve got a mission for you.

There are some people in this world that are in love with their own names. They’re so infatuated that they’ll go to great lengths to order a customized license plate with their name clearly printed on it, and so on.

The next time you see someone with their names written on themselves, their bag, or plate or whatever, pretend that you know them!

Here’s an example of what I did back in high school:

I was eating lunch with an old friend, Tania, at a mall and we notice that the girl who was eating with her back face towards us had a tramp stamp that said, “Melanie”, along with some tacky touches of stars and sparkles.

Me: Do you think that’s her name? What a boring idea for a tattoo if it is.
Tania: I don’t know, but why don’t you find out? Haha.

Obviously, she was being facetious, but I wanted to know, bad, but asking the girl, “Hey, uh, the trampst-I mean tattoo you have there below your back…that your name?” would sound very insulting and a bit gawky to me. So I had to be slick and professional.

Ok watch me.

The trashcan was a few feet in front of tramp stamp girl, so I decided to take one of my used ketchup bags, walk up to the trash can, throw the ketchup away and turn around. Pretending to notice tramp stamp girl, I ran up to her, sat in the chair that was at the opposite end (she was eating alone), and said “Heeeeeyyy. Heyy you. Melanie, right?”

After I had blurted out the name, I suddenly realized that tramp stamp girl could’ve been a lesbian and Melanie could’ve been her girlfriend…or she could have had a sister who passed away named Melanie, and the tat was like a memorial of her! I’m fucked! I was scared up to my wits and I expected her to answer “No, that’s not me. You saw my tattoo didn’t you? Nice try, you’re an asshole!” But there’s no turning back. I already talked and now I was waiting for her to respond.

Tramp stamp girl: Yeah, how do you know?

Oh shit! And she doesn’t even know HOW.

Me: Whoa! It’s me, Jessica (Who doesn’t know a Jessica?). How are you Mel? How’s your family doing? I haven’t seen you in years! Whoa.

And I say this very loud and with sheer enthusiasm, so that Tania, who I could tell was trying so hard not to burst out laughing, was able to hear our conversation.

Tramp stamp girl was really confused…and really lost at the moment, and most importantly she was buying it. Because tramp stamp girl is convinced that I have met her before by using her name, she doesn’t want to come off as an asshole by informing me that she doesn’t remember who I am, so instead, she follows along.

Tramp stamp girl: Jessica. Ohhh…. they’ve been good. Thank you. How are yours?

And that pretty much sums up our conversation. Gawd, I’m so immature.

But that’s how you do it like a champ, and moral of the story is, if you’re a walking nametag AND you’re oblivious to that, you’re asking to be messed with.