Ever feel like playing an easy and painless joke on a total stranger? If so, look no further, I’ve got a mission for you.

There are some people in this world that are in love with their own names. They’re so infatuated that they’ll go to great lengths to order a customized license plate with their name clearly printed on it, and so on.

The next time you see someone with their names written on themselves, their bag, or plate or whatever, pretend that you know them!

Here’s an example of what I did back in high school:

I was eating lunch with an old friend, Tania, at a mall and we notice that the girl who was eating with her back face towards us had a tramp stamp that said, “Melanie”, along with some tacky touches of stars and sparkles.

Me: Do you think that’s her name? What a boring idea for a tattoo if it is.
Tania: I don’t know, but why don’t you find out? Haha.

Obviously, she was being facetious, but I wanted to know, bad, but asking the girl, “Hey, uh, the trampst-I mean tattoo you have there below your back…that your name?” would sound very insulting and a bit gawky to me. So I had to be slick and professional.

Ok watch me.

The trashcan was a few feet in front of tramp stamp girl, so I decided to take one of my used ketchup bags, walk up to the trash can, throw the ketchup away and turn around. Pretending to notice tramp stamp girl, I ran up to her, sat in the chair that was at the opposite end (she was eating alone), and said “Heeeeeyyy. Heyy you. Melanie, right?”

After I had blurted out the name, I suddenly realized that tramp stamp girl could’ve been a lesbian and Melanie could’ve been her girlfriend…or she could have had a sister who passed away named Melanie, and the tat was like a memorial of her! I’m fucked! I was scared up to my wits and I expected her to answer “No, that’s not me. You saw my tattoo didn’t you? Nice try, you’re an asshole!” But there’s no turning back. I already talked and now I was waiting for her to respond.

Tramp stamp girl: Yeah, how do you know?

Oh shit! And she doesn’t even know HOW.

Me: Whoa! It’s me, Jessica (Who doesn’t know a Jessica?). How are you Mel? How’s your family doing? I haven’t seen you in years! Whoa.

And I say this very loud and with sheer enthusiasm, so that Tania, who I could tell was trying so hard not to burst out laughing, was able to hear our conversation.

Tramp stamp girl was really confused…and really lost at the moment, and most importantly she was buying it. Because tramp stamp girl is convinced that I have met her before by using her name, she doesn’t want to come off as an asshole by informing me that she doesn’t remember who I am, so instead, she follows along.

Tramp stamp girl: Jessica. Ohhh…. they’ve been good. Thank you. How are yours?

And that pretty much sums up our conversation. Gawd, I’m so immature.

But that’s how you do it like a champ, and moral of the story is, if you’re a walking nametag AND you’re oblivious to that, you’re asking to be messed with.

No one cares about reading other people’s boring lives.

Sometimes I like to survey people with the most random questions thrown at their faces, and one of the things I did today at my long and very tedious five hour orientation for some university was to ask readers on what they were looking for in a blog.

The orientation was specifically directed towards graphic and web designers, so I knew they were an internet geek like me. My inane questions on blogging had erratically lead to a storm of what turned out to be an excellent group discussion.

Essentially, we were ranting, ranting about what they didn’t want to read in a blog. And basically, it’s your life.

If you must talk about how you went to work today and chewed sugar-free gum that you swore had sugar in it, then at least, for the love of rice, TRY to make it funny. Trust me, you can find a lot of humor in a lot of situations no matter how simple or complex the story is.

Though if you think that turning it into something comical would fabricate the story and lose its accuracy then don’t talk about it at all.

If truly have a sorry ass life, then talk about the past instead of the present. My new acquaintances had given me the idea to write about my childhood, and boy, do I have SOME stories to brag.

I know some of you are suffering from a writer’s block but you can talk about like, how you use to—ever so discreetly—smear your snot and boogers on your brother’s back for decapitating your Malibu barbie, and how you and your old pal from first grade use to spy on the neighbors getting a tan in the backyard…topless!

You can never go wrong with talking about your childhood. I don’t know about you guys, but my life, as a child, was pretty exhilarating and packed with adventures than it was now.

So if you’re having a blog-fart, I dare you to divulge your wackiest/weirdest/funniest childhood moments.

I’m still—very much—concerned about the last incident that happen and my job in general. To get my mind off of every bad thing that has been affiliated with my job, I’m going to write about some items that I really really want. When I usually think about the stuff that I want to shop for, the stress seems to disperse and then everything becomes peachy keen…for a moment of course.

Ok so here’s my list of I HAVE TO HAVE IT!

Dexter bobblehead

If you’ve been following my blog lately, you shouldn’t be surprise that I’m a huge fan of the TV show, Dexter (future post). I want every damn driver and pedestrian to notice the magnificence of my Dexter bobblehead and be familiar with the fact that I’m a huge fan of that show. I guess I have that mentality of a sports fanatic who pimps their ride with tacky sports logo (flags, abnormally large bumper stickers, etc) representing their favorite team. I don’t have a favorite sports team, however I do have a favorite TV show! Why not sport your favorite show on your own ride as well? I want to be in the loop!

Leg lamp

I love (leg) lamp. I have mentioned, on one of my earlier entries, about redecorating my bedroom. As time changes, people do. I’m not into the whole 80’s brightly colored childish rooms anymore. I want something that screams artsy fartsy, morose and slightly sexual. I thought about it, and the traditional classic film A Christmas Story automatically took a dump on my head. Remember that leg lamp in the film that was purchased by the dad, who was totally getting off on it? Yeah, that one…I want that one, but I assure you I won’t be doing outlandish kinky things with it. The leg lamp will surely add a nice touch to the room once the revamping is final.

Anything studded

For a couple months, I’ve been infatuated with anything that’s laden with studs. If you’re wearing an outfit that’s really boring and basic, a studded bag or a pair of studded shoes will undeniably make your whole outfit look 10x better.

Keyboard typing pants

…

I keed, I keed.