Hi party people! This entry is going to quick and painless. I just want to wish all of my fellow Americans a happy fourth of July.

I’ll be sporting my patriotic pants (see photo below). I really dig them.

Have a safe night!

I just remembered selling ludicrously bland things on Ebay last year and making money out of them. And by ludicrously bland things, I mean t-shirts, and by t-shirts, I mean plain white t-shirts that have already been worn by me.

I also noticed that my things tend to sell if I’m in the picture (duh), so I’m thinking, man, if I just hold a Styrofoam cup of paper clips and a used travel size shampoo and conditioner, and then post it on ebay, would anyone bid on it?

To quench my perpetual thirst for answers, I decided to google “weirdest ebay items” and found out that, and I shit you not, some belly button lint is currently up for bid for $170.00 so far.

So yes, I’ve come to the conclusion that someone, at least one person, in this wacked out world we live in, will purchase my Styrofoam cup of paper clips and used travel size shampoo and conditioner. I may not get a lot of money out of it, but somebody will actually use their time to bid on MY piece of junk, and of course, little money is better than no money.

But I’ve got a better idea. When I’m done selling my real stuff (stuff that a lot of people would want to buy), I’m going to take a picture of myself putting gum in my mouth, chewing it, taking it out and putting into a Ziploc bag…because you know why? I’m going to sell it on Ebay. I swear.

I’d just love for someone to purchase MY used gum. Honestly, who the hell can say, “Yeah, I sold my used gum for five bucks on eBay..pfff.”

I’d like to be that person.