Yesterday I went to a fast food restaurant and the girl that took my order was one of the people that bullied me in elementary school, middle school and my freshman year of high school.
When she realized I was the next customer to order, she looked at me and gave me this rickety, awkward smile. It wasn’t a surprise to me because I knew she’d remember who I was. The times that I was bullied by her was so long ago that I was completely over it, we were over it, however it wasn’t old enough to erase each other out of our memories, so it made a terrible awkward situation between the girl and I.
As she was taking my order, I kept on thinking, at the back of my head, if I should ask, “Hey how are you? It’s been a while!” since she knew who exactly I was, but I decided not to anyway and imagined as if I never knew her. When you start talking to someone that you haven’t seen in a long time, usually you end up talking about the past, because that’s the only memory you have of that person.
I didn’t want make the awkward situation even more awkward by saying something like, “Hey remember when you use to make my life a living hell? Haha yeah, that was, uh, great.”
After I got my food and went home, I thought about the other bullies in the past. It’s so funny, I never had that one main bully, I had different bullies for different things. The one that I was talking about teased me for my weight, I was really skinny back then, and she was well, fat, and still fat today.
The first bully I ever had was a kid named… Billy or Jimmy. I think. This was in first grade. He sat next to me in class, and everyday he use to unzip his fly to show me his little penis. I fucking hated it and I felt harassed. He once picked a shit load of his boogers and wiped it on my chair, in which I sat on. My mom once bought me this cool Lisa Frank folder that had unicorns on it and when I wasn’t at my desk, he took it and fold it all the way so that it would have huge wrinkles on them. My mom doesn’t have a lot of money, and for her to buy that folder was really appreciating. I fucking hate that guy.
The second bully, Courtney, made fun of my clothes all the time because I never matched. I STILL don’t match my clothes, so fuck you Courtney.
The third bully was AJ. He was actually my very first crush, but obviously, he never liked me. We lived on the same streets and so he knew what my house looked like. He loved making fun of my house because he thought it looked shitty.
And then on to middle school, there were these two boys that sexually harassed me. They were in my woodshop class and they kept on grabbing my ass and other bad things. I tried to tell the teacher but he never listened. But you know what’s awesome? Years later one of them found me on Myspace and tried to hit on me, and he didn’t remember who I was. A year later, the OTHER guy bumped into me when I was in college, he didn’t know who I was either, he also found me attractive so he was trying to flirt with me but I treated him pretty badly. Ah, sweet, sweet revenge.
The next asshole made fun of me for my flat chest. He was the reason why I became so insecure about my breasts that I began to stuff my bra all the way to my junior year of high school. They never really grew that much, but now, I really don’t care anymore. I actually love my size and would never, ever go any bigger.
The next one was the WORST of the WORST of all bullies, the queen bee of fucking bullying, Mary. Mary was one the most popular girl in school and she was liked by many. She was very involved with the school, like, I think she was the president of ASB or something like that. Essentially, she was excellent in everything…yet so evil and manipulative. Anyway, she had a huge circle of girlfriends, I was one of them, more like a follower though, but yeah she accepted me.
She hated this girl named Esther. Esther and I became close friends, because she was the only one that would actually talked to me and listened. She told me about the problems that Mary was giving her. I listened, but really never said anything, because I told her that it was between her and Mary.
When Mary had found out that I was talking to Esther, she assumed I was talking behind her back, so she told all of her circle of friends that I was a traitor. Her friends, who use to be my friends too, all gave me shit for it. They ignored me when I tried to say “hi” to them, they looked at me with an evil eye, they would “accidentally” bump into me, and other things that evil teenage girls would do to belittle other girls. Rosemary was their puppet master, anything she hates, they hate too. There was even a time when I was hanging out with the girls, she went up to them and said, “I found out the person who’s talking shit!” and then she pointed at me and said, “her.” And started laughing, and skipping away like the evil, evil person she is.
There’s more to it, if I wrote every single detail, you’d be staying up the whole night. Basically, she had everyone turned their backs against me and made my middle school years awfully miserable. She had the power to convince everybody that I was the bad person. I had a plan to deck her in the face, but punching Mary would be like punching the whole school. Everyone loved her. I never did though. She was NEVER alone; she always had her “circle” of friends, who acted as her bodyguards or something. I guess it’s better that way. Violence would never solve anything, but boy, it would feel pretty damn good to deck her pretty little face, at the time.
There’s a chance that she might read this. I have some friends who read this blog, and some of them are friends with her. But really, I don’t care. I don’t even see her anymore, so the drama ain’t gonna happen this time. I heard she was really nice now, but sorry Mary, I had to write it anyway. Bullying, especially from you, impacted my childhood and the way that I am today.
I left out a couple of other people who picked on me, but after writing THAT, it’s going to make them look more like a saint.
I also wanted to say that kids are evil as hell. My nephew, whose only six years old, is already telling me that a boy is picking on him. I’m pretty scared for my nephews and niece, and for my future kids too. You can’t be there when it’s happening so you can only give them advice and hope that it’ll work.
