Keep an eye on your boyfriends, ladies, ’cause I have the hottest, most mouthwatering, fuck-me costume in town. Brace yourselves! :

My brother-in-law thought I was dressed as Cinderella! What a noob.

I think there’s a weird part of me that really hasn’t quite matured yet, and that’s costume play.  I really like dressing up as other people or characters and it’s just not on Halloween. If someone’s going to hand me a costume, I’m going to wear it for the whole day, possibly run my errands with it, and embarrass my family and friends.

I bought my Snow White costume today, and yes, not only did I try it on when I went home, but I wore it!  In fact, I’m wearing it right now as I’m typing this. My family was thoroughly entertained when they noticed that I was walking around the house with it on, wearing it as if the costume was just a regular, everyday kind of attire.

And since I’m dressed in a Snow White costume, I might as well turn myself into part terminator part assassinator who’s discreetly disguised as Snow White, right?

The movie Zoolander is one of my favorite movies of all time, and I kind of just realized that I usually end up laughing hysterically every time someone quotes a line from that film.

I was eating lunch today, and someone behind me blurted out, “It doesn’t mean that we too can’t not die in a freak gasoline fight accident” and I ended up spitting out my soda.

Yeah…I swear I’m not crazy.

So in honor of the most awesome male super-model movie ever made, I declare all Zoolander-fanatics here to quote their favorite line from the movie.

Ready? 1, 2, 3 QUOTE!!!

Halloween is just around the corner and I’m excited!! However there was one particular douchebag that almost killed my buzz yesterday, and it was a customer that I had at work (In earlier entries, I said that I quit my job, but recently, I told them if they desperately needed me then they can always call me).

I asked him if he was excited for Halloween as to which he replied, “No, I’m Christian. I don’t celebrate Halloween.”

“Well I’m Christian, and I’m celebrating it.”

“Then that means you’re celebrating the devil.” He gives me a snotty look, following by a retarded snotty chuckle.

“Ummm…that’s a load of crap.  Have you ever done your research before?”

“I know well enough that I’m not going to be celebrating the day of the devil! Good bye.”

Halloween ISN’T a devil-worshipping holiday! Fuck! Halloween was started as an ancient Celtic festival called “Samhain”, and I believe it was the time when they honored and communed with their loved ones who have died. If you want to know more about its origins, then wiki that ish.

I hate it when people have to ruin the joy of something fun and special. I had the same thing happen to my co-worker last year for Christmas.  She asked one of our customers if he had any plans for Christmas, and so he answers, “I don’t celebrate Christmas. It is against my beliefs.”

It turns out that this guy was a “Christian” too.

The difference between I-don’t-celebrate-Halloween Christian and I-don’t-celebrate-Christmas Christian, is that I-don’t-celebrate-Christmas Christian actually did his research and willingly gave her a 10 minute explanation on why Christmas shouldn’t be celebrated.

While this had happen, I was actually in another room fixing his glasses, and all I remember hearing was that December 25th wasn’t really the day that Jesus was born. And then I heard him say, “Instead my family and I will celebrate…harvest…grain”.

Seriously, man, if he was talking to me about it, and I wasn’t so much of a pussy, I’d say, “Dude, stop being anal. Shut the fuck up and just celebrate it.”

But yeah…*note to self: if you don’t want to get stuck in an uncomfortable situation, never ask a customer what they’re going to do for the holidays.