I know that most of my friends, who have previously taken me to clubs, will read this blog. So I wanted to clarify that writing this particular entry did not mean I had a completely terrible time when I was with them. I will always enjoy their company regardless of the locale, but sometimes, we don’t stick together when we’re there, we’re out, separated, interacting with strangers. But when I’m alone, I tend to sit back in the corner and observe, and the picture is different. I’d like to describe that picture.
Last time, I talked about the lackluster of generic hot people. Today, I’m going to talk about their mothership:
Clubs.
Clubs are like concerts but without the performers, and if there are no performers, it’s gotta be one fucking shitty concert. It’s always packed; everyone’s hot and sweaty and bunched up together, grinding and groping all over the gotdamn dance floor like an enormous orgy rave.
One of the reasons why hot people love going to clubs is because it’s one of the few places where they’re not required to talk, and we all know that most hot people are incapable of carrying a lively conversation. It’s practically impossible to communicate verbally and coherently without screaming in each other’s ears because the music is blasted to the max.
Concerts are also loud, but the difference is, you’re here to watch a show, there’s no need to talk. But with clubs, there’s no main attraction, all you can do is shut up and dance, dance, dance! Fuck that. It’s not even dancing either, the dance floor tends to get retardedly packed that all you can do is either dry hump your dancing partner or rock back and forth and pray that some drunkard bitch doesn’t dig her stiletto into your foot—which hurts really bad btw (I lied when I said it only hurt a little when people asked. I guess I wanted to be tough 
). Clubbing is a health hazard. I think I’d be better off if someone threw me into a hardXcore mosh pitt with that psychotic Moshzilla moshing beast.
Not only are we inept to communicate verbally but we can’t even communicate nonverbally for fucks sake. Clubs are dark and laden with fog (machines), and disco lights and strobe lights sporadically flicking on and off, swerving, swooshing, swaying all in your face (how rude). Everyone looks like they’re doing the robot, but they’re not. You can forget about mouthing your buddy to ask whether they’re ready to call it a night or not, or making awkward hand gestures to them just to see if they wanted a drink, because you can’t see shit.
Ever wonder why chicks complain about the guys they encounter at clubs? It’s because it’s the place to get drunk and hookup. Guess what? Guys usually aren’t there just to “hang out”, they want to score some pussy, and any broad that walks into a club, automatically has a billboard on top of her head that says, “I’M FREE. PLEASE BE THE HORNDOG THAT YOU ARE AND DRY HUMP YOUR WAY TOWARDS MY CLIT.”
Without having your friends, clubs aren’t that entertaining. Without having your cockblocking friends, it can get very creepy. And friends or no friends, it can get old pretty fast, if done frequently. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a hypocrite, because I sort of am. I’ve been to them before, in fact, I’ve been to one very recently, but the more I see the more I want to slit my wrists with a vegetable peeler.
Man, I sound like such an old fartin’ party pooper. I don’t think anyone is going to ever invite me to anything after reading this.
The best part about going to clubs when you’re a girl is that, without fail, some creepy dude will try to dance his semi-erect wiener into your butt-crack and you’ll say something like, “Whoa! No thanks!” and he’ll say, “Whatever, plenty of fish in the sea!” Or, he’ll hit on you when you’re sitting with your friends at a table and you’ll say, “I’m not really interested, I’m just here with friends,” to which he’ll reply, “Whatever. I was just trying to be friendly. Pffft! I was NOT hitting on you… presumptuous bitch.”
My favorite thing to do at a club is to dance like… well, I can only describe my style as: Paranoid Schizophrenic Wants to Touch the Clouds. The look on people’s faces is priceless.
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I definitely experienced that this weekend… at the same club that we always go to. This time, the girls I usually go with weren’t there and so it was pretty bunk. I agree… clubs are never the place to meet people… I tend to talk a lot while at the clubs (not in a drunken state of course!) but I find we always have to scream, and then my throat would be in pain the next day. I totally love this post!
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hi!
)
i was browsing on the net when i found your blog. it’s very funny, i just wrote a i-hate-clubbing post on my (italian)blog, and finding your blog straight after was too much of a coincidence not to leave a comment.
i’ve read you’re a lookbook fan as well…i love it too, although i’m not part of it (unfortunately
well if you want to come and visit, i’d be delighted.
viola
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I hate clubs, i rather go to a lounge and talk.
But i love dancing but clubs are just a bunch of people who can’t really dance and just the two step motion the whole time so it gets irritating. But the fact that girls complain that all these creepy men want them gets annoying to especially if you come there with a skirt and a dress that looks like it was cut in half on the top. Your asking for attention. thats my intake.
but that whole hot people love clubs cause they dont have to talk was pure genius.
hahahahhaha
^_-
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oh god who would ever look for a significant ANYTHING at a club hahaha… the thought of that scares the crap out of me because some girls do go clubbing to find their “love”… *shivers*
clubs are a scary place when you don’t have cockblocking friends with you, but they can be fun sometimes! i barely go now though, they are dreadfully boring when you don’t drink. but when you dance a lot it’s almost like exercise… kind of???
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wow, i’ve never been clubbing before but you make we never wanna try it out! it really is just a place to find a one night stand… LOL i think bonfires and houseparties are funner based on what i’ve heard/read/seen. great post!
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First, thanks for the review you left for my site over at YourSite.nu
I hate clubbing too. My hubby does as well. I hate going to a place where you can’t even talk properly because of all the noise that is going on…you have to scream your head off to allow the other party to hear you. And I hate crowded space with sweaty people grinding their bodies against mine. Might be some people’s idea of sexy and hot, but I can’t stand it. So I have never been to one for the last few years.
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Hahahaha. You said everything on my mind that I never tell others about. I think I’ve overdosed from clubbing, I turned 19 not long ago and have gone every weekend! However, I got to say that yes, you’ve got a strong point especially on how hot people go to clubs because they’re unable of holding a decent conversation (lmao) — BUT I gotta say, I do look forward to go sometimes because I don’t want that awkward conversation between some people .. and well, getting drunk helps to have conversations about things you thought you’d leave behind in the beginning of highschool, and an aid for friendship. Fun!
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Hahaha love this post!
I love clubbing… but only once in a while! I get so annoyed when people I know act like embarrassing drunken messes. It’s fun to watch sometimes but other times it’s just mortifying and hella irritating. I don’t understand why people don’t control their alcohol consumption and why does everyone want to get PISSED DRUNK?! It’s not even a fun feeling… if I’m having fun, I’d like to remember it, thankyouverymuch.
But yeah, clubbing is fun if you don’t do it too much. People who goes to clubs every weekend needs to get a life!
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Love this post. Probably cause I’ve got the same perspective. I wrote something like this at age 16—only your execution and experience (on going to clubs) is far more varied and in-depth than mine. ^^
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I used to go to clubs to meet guys, but this was when I was 17 and 18 HUHLOLZ. Im over clubbing every Friday and Saturday night, but I still enjoy going out to clubs once in a while to dance and have fun.
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my experience with clubs have been up and down. i think it’s the company which makes it a good or bad night. but generally i prefer to go out to a bar or have a nice dinner. screaming on the top of my lungs and constantly being pushed aside by people in a crowded sweaty room is not very enticing.
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You are a superficial loser. You will have many unhappy relationships throughout your life. People that go to clubs are also losers and while they might look nice on the outside they are far from healthy. They deprive themselves of sleep, they smoke and drink to excess. Only the young can continue to treat themselves like that.
It will catch up to you some day. You are pathetic, get a life and grow up. The amazing thing is how stupid you sound on your blog. What is your career goal in life? Forget about TV, forget about movies, forget about “stars” and “celebrities”. All that stuff is BS and will not help you to become a better person in your life.
People who go to clubs don’t love themselves, so how can they love each other? It just pisses me off to think about people like you and your “friends”, whom by the way don’t give a shit about you and are more superficial and pathetic than you are. Try making real friends and creating actual social connections by SOCIALIZING, not just going to a dark room
and getting drunk and flirting around with anything with a pulse.
I’m sorry you were born.
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The response above me is crazy. That person needs to take their meds.
Anyways, I also hate clubs. The people are tacky and fake, the music is too loud and usually sucks (I like prog house and prog trance, but is usually never played), and the entire atmosphere is sleazy and rowdy. If I want rowdy, I go into a mosh pit. I prefer to be in chilled out setting where I can talk. I don’t like having to yell to talk.
The most important thing is that I don’t dance, so it is pointless for me to be in a club. Besides this great reason, I actually feel creepy just sitting looking at people, and I think it is extremely sleazy when people perform the paraphilia of frotteurism with each other i.e. “dance”.
By the way, good article.
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Love this post! It’s absolutely spot on! Clubs are not my thing either. I’m 33 and a lot of my friends like clubbing. My flat mates also like clubbing, but I usually stay at home and try to come up with various lame excuses for not going out with them.
What really aggitates me is that it seems that not liking night clubs is a big “no no” these days. Let me explain: since I don’t like clubbing I prefer to stay in on Friday/Saturday night or do other social activities (meeting friends in pubs/cosy bars, going to the movies, etc), inviting friends over, cooking dinner for them, etc. However, probably half of my friends think it is WRONG not to go to a night club on Friday/Saturday night, it is WRONG not having fun. In my opinion you don’t have to go clubbing to have fun.
I almost colapsed the other day when my flat mate told me (after I refused to go out with her): “Where do you want to meet some men if you don’t like clubbing?”. Btw, she is still single;)
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Love this post! Probably because we see eye to eye. I was very much hoping to bump across an opinion that would possibly agree with mine, concerning the disturbingly nauseating vibes I picture on clubbing. And your post has nailed it. Good Job.
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I find clubbing awkward even though I love love love to dance. I’m a social girl but still- it’s mucho awkward. I don’t know what hot people you know, but the ones I know are super interesting (which is double kudos
). I think it’s fun to party there once in a while, but other than that- it’s AWKWARD. Some awkward turtles need to come up on that dance floor STAT!
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I really want to go to a club so I can bitch and moan later about how I hated it. Seriously, just the thought of going to one of those places makes me so bored.
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