Monthly Archives: January 2009

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I have huge tits.

January 30, 2009

Next week I’m going to see some of my relatives for a little family get-together. For the most part, I’m excited…but I’m also dreading it because one of the girls there really dislikes me.

We only see each other about every 4-6 months, and yet her aversion towards me has been going on for years. When we get to see each other she never greets me; she doesn’t even look at me in the eye. I’m always the one who says hi to her first, but sometimes she ignores it, and other times she says hi back, but in a cold and careless way.

She quite a talker, but whenever I come up to her and try to make conversation she suddenly turns into this socially retarded brat who can only give you one word answers.

Tiff: Hey man, how’s school and everything?

Fine.

Tiff: Still talking to what’s his face?

Yes.

Tiff: Oh right on…uh I’m doing fine too incase you were wondering.

(She says nothing, walks away to talk to someone else)

When she’s not talking to me, I always catch her eyeing my shoes or a certain article of clothing that I’m wearing, it’s creepy.

I always try to be nice to her. I always try to minimize that unnerving, awkward tension that exists between me and her but she always seems to shun me. I do it for the sake of my relatives. If she wasn’t part of the family, then I wouldn’t even bother.

It sucks because we use to play together occasionally when we were kids, but ever since she hit college she started to care a lot more about boys and makeup, and now, she sees me as some kind of competition. It’s really sad and pathetic because she doesn’t seem to grasp that I don’t give a shit if she looked better and dressed better than me or had the hotter boyfriend or whatever other dumb shit chicks usually try to compete with other chicks for in middle school.

I really don’t care dude, if I could, I would give her a gawddamn plaque that said she won if it means to make her insecurities go away and for her to quit acting like a brat towards me. For now, we can only wait.

On a side note, don’t take the title of this entry too seriously. haha

Posted in: Personal – 15 Comments

Chuc mung nam moi!

January 26, 2009

Wow, did I just say that? This time of year brings out the inner fob in me. It really does.

Well this is going to be quick and painless guys, I just wanted to wish a Happy Chinese and Vietnamese New Years to those who celebrate it.

I’ll be looking forward to spending time with family and relatives, eating good Asian food, receiving those goody little red envelopes (lì xì), and definitely, definitely will look forward to gambling in a game of bau cua.

Posted in: Uncategorized – 11 Comments

Dating Manual #4: Do not use flattery as your main weapon.

January 23, 2009

Today I received a message on OkCupid (not your average dating site) and it says:

I know I already sent you a message but I wanted to say you are very pretty again.

Apparently the guy sent me another message before. But frankly, I don’t remember the message and its sender, and frankly, I’m not surprised that I don’t remember anything about it because I’m sure the first message was as dull as the second one.

If I only knew how to not come off as an asshole to him then I would respond to his message, but since I really can’t, I’m going to be nice by not writing back to him…directly. Instead I will post my never-sent-it-but-shoulda-sent-it message here and if he reads it (I posted my website link on my OkCupid profile) then so be it, it might be a blessing in disguise for him anyway.

Dear Guy who Thinks I’m Pretty Again,

Thanks. But dude, really, I don’t give a shit. I really don’t.

Flattering chicks online with something as superficial and trivial as, “I think you’re really cute” is not going to make them want to rub your balls, guy. And I say online because it’s truly one of the few “places” where you can send an interesting first message by reading a few things from their profile first. Offline…not so much.

So instead of skipping my profile to take the easy route by using flattery of fucking baloney that doesn’t work on anybody nowadays, cut the shit and take advantage of the written, comprehensive profile I have offered to my fellow OkCupiders by reading it and using it to initiate a real discussion.

Flattery can be sweet, when used in the right time and context, but the chances of getting a decent chick to start liking you by simply telling her that she’s pretty, which she’s already aware of, are low, way low.

You know what we like? Be it online or off, we like smart and funny guys who know how to talk. We like guys who can carry a fun and interesting conversation–not guys who are only capable of saying, “Oh I thank yur purrrrrday…” or in Julie’s case, “Damn, you have a nice ass.”

If that were me, I’d answer back and say, “Aww thanks. Poop comes out of it!” Boner, averted.

Sorry,

Tiff

Posted in: Dating Manuel, Wtf – 19 Comments

Dear Pris, thank you for a good time.

January 18, 2009

Yesterday was Pris’s birthday shindig and it was positively one of the best nights I’ve had thus far.

We (about 18 of us) started the night by eating at Elephant Bar. I was sitting in the middle so I got to interact with both sides of the table. One side kept on talking about how incredible “Slumdog Millionaire” was so, of course, they left me no choice but to butt in and say, “Dude, I’m so with you on that. Remember the part where little Jamal raised his arm in the air with the photo of that one Indian actor, screaming at the top of his lungs and he’s like, covered in shit? That was awesome.”

The other side of the table was telling jokes at one point. I’ve been told that I can do a very convincing accent of an annoying Chinese man, so I did say a couple of things to them, in that particular accent, and they got a kick out of it. It reconfirmed that I do, in fact, possess a magnificent gift of impersonating a stereotypical Chinese man.

My friend, Jason, and I shared a large plate of fried shrimps together. The food was good. Not bad, not amazing, but good. As for our waitress, shit, talk about having a stick up her ass. She didn’t like us! It was odd because none of us were being anal or impolite to her. When we asked her for something, her facial expression would change from slightly grumpy to extremely petulant. When I asked for a to-go box she would come back 15 minutes later with nothing in her hands!

Perhaps it is the burden of catering to a large group of 18, but still, she should have at least put on a fake smile or something and not emit her bitchassness towards us.

To make up for her dreadful service and lack of civility, we got her to take some photos of us. Here’s one of them:

group

I’d say that’s a damn good photo. Thank you waitress, you just might be able to redeem yourself…now give me a gawddman to-go box so I can eat my shrimp leftovers for lunch tomorrow!

After dinner we headed towards the Embassy Suites for the hotel party. Since we weren’t able to hook up the Wii to their TV, we decided to play some drinking games. The first was King’s Cup. I’ve played that a few times before, and this one, in particular, was the most entertaining, the most hysterical King’s Cup I had ever played…ever. I wish I can explain what had happen in detail, but it wouldn’t be that funny on paper, it’s more like, ya had to be there type of stuff. But what I will say is that there has never ever been a time where I didn’t pick the 4th King. Never, and that kind of blows for me.

I recorded a great video of Pris getting sprayed by silly strings at the hotel, and also edited it to make it more entertaining. But I’ve been trying to upload it on Youtube for the last several times, and it doesn’t seem to be uploading it. Bleh! What a bitch. I will post the video once I find a solution. For now, enjoy the “teaser stills”.

Update 1-19-09: The video! Hip hip hooray!

Posted in: Personal – 15 Comments

Missing the toilet should be a crime

January 15, 2009

Look, I don’t think this is asking much, but I wish the restroom stalls at my gym and school had hooks so that I can hang my shit up. Like, at the gym, every time I’m doing my business in the ladies room, I have to lay my gym bag on my lap, but sometimes it tips over and lands on the floor. And for some reasons, that grosses me the fuck out.

What’s even more horrifying is seeing people’s jackets lying on the floor. I mean, if you’re going to lay your jacket on the restroom floor, intentionally, as you’re taking a piss, might as well throw it into the toilet that you’re pissing in. I’ve personally seen puddles of piss scattered throughout the floor inside of those stalls many, many times. No one’s going to clean it up, it dries up, and it stays there.

I bet you dudes are wondering how that could’ve happen in a women’s restroom, the piss puddles. See, some chicks prefer “hovering”. In this particular method, their ass cheeks doesn’t come in physical contact with the toilet seat and is only a few inches apart from each other (the ass and the seat). The ones that can do it do it like a champ. They are precise and their piss strategically spurts into the bowl without touching anything else. Beautiful.

The ones that don’t know how to hover but do it anyways, however, have weak knees. When in hovering position, knees are sloppily bent at a 130 degree angle (when it should be 90, at the least) and wobbling legs would commence. As a result, piss skips the toilet bowl and lands fucking everywhere.

Those kinds of inconsiderate hags should be banned from hovering, and they’re probably the same people who leave shit sit on the top of the toilet seat too.

Posted in: Wtf – 15 Comments

Just shtuff.

January 11, 2009

My internet has been out for the last few days, still is, but I’m glad it went out because I was obligated to do stuff that doesn’t involve sitting in front of a computer all day.

I wasn’t sure if it was just lack of motivation or just plain laziness, but I haven’t been looking for acting gigs lately, and recently, something (probably not having internet at home) has lit a fire under my ass to get back to finding work.

Two days ago I was using a relative’s computer, and found an online ad from a casting company that was looking to cast actors in certain projects.  I emailed them my headshots and resume and they eventually emailed me back with their phone number.  I called them to set an appointment, and the next thing you know, I’m having lunch with them an hour later.

They were two guys or, or two business partners/casting directors who were in the process of establishing a casting firm.  We talked for over an hour and most of it was just about their company and wah wah wahh.  But like every talent manager, agent, casting director or any person I first meet in the entertainment industry, I can’t trust them entirely, at least not yet.  There are, unfortunately, tons of sketchy businesses out there that are only in it for some quick cash, and I had dealt with one already in the past.

There was a very small one-time fee and after asking them a couple of questions I had agreed to pay the fee and sign their contract as an actress and…a model (during the discussion they persuaded me to sign up for modeling, so I’m like “I guess, extra money right?”).  The following day, I had already gotten a call from the main guy and he wanted his photographer friend to take my headshots and then have me do a reading because there was already a part he could see me playing in some film that has already been funded.

So I did all of that today, and I don’t know! I feel sorta good. SORTA.  Well, good as an I might be able to trust these guys, but at present, my guard is still up.  As for the reading, I think I could’ve done a lot better, so I honestly don’t think I got the part haha. But that’s fine; there will be many more opportunities to come.

Yesterday, I did a full day shoot with my photographer friend Chris.  Man, I was so pooped by the end of the night, but overall I had a great time shooting.  And overall, I had a productive weekend.

Here are some of my favorite photos (more in my Flickr):

Posted in: Personal – 10 Comments

The day I started writing

January 6, 2009

I was cleaning out my closet today and stumbled upon a small stack of journals I had written from the age of eight and all the way up to eighteen. Boy was I elated to see 10 years worth of written recollections buried at the bottom of my giant Tupperware box. I grabbed the oldest journal and before opening it, a flashback had already hit me. For reals!

It was the summer of 1996, a 99 Cent Store had finally opened for the first time around our area, which was a big deal for most of us, as decent houseware appliances selling only for a buck seemed too good to be true. I went to the new store with my two older sisters, and one of them, Diane, told me that I could have anything I wanted there. I was thrilled! And I was ready to shop.

When we arrived, I first remembered seeing how outrageously packed the place was, and how awesome and cartoony their shopping carts looked. Their carts weren’t like any other shopping carts you’d see in grocery stores where it’s all metal and banged up with rust. The ones at the 99 Cent store were made of plastic and were bright blue. I wanted to take one of them home with me so I can use it as my pretend car from the future, but that didn’t happen.

The overwhelming number of customers there made it difficult for me to look around, so my sister pointed at the journal section and suggested that I get one to write in it. I declined, but she coerced me into picking one. So I selected the journal that had a cover of a butterfly sitting on top of a purple flower. After my sister had bought the item for me she told me I had to write in it, at least once a week, and then I remember her saying, “You’ll thank me for this when you get older.”

And you know what? She’s right. She’s absolutely right. It’s just…I don’t know. Haha. The feeling you get when you read your own private writings from 12 years ago is purely indescribable.

I’ve been reading that journal I got from 99 Cent, and you know, it was pretty intense for a third grader.

I talked about my love and hate relationships:

If you can’t read my eight-year-old handwriting, it says:

Sept. 17, 1996 I have a crush on Shon. And he was in my class. But I never talk to him or play with him. But I wish I sit next with him.

It was later crossed out in darker ink, and under the entry it says, in the same dark ink:

Oct. 26. 1996 not any more

Foes:

I didn’t like one of the girls at my school, so I drew her as a slimy Medusa.  Those are snakes, btw.

Obligatory censorship:

And finally, my discovery of the online word usage “LOL”  in 2001:

My spelling has improved huh? (LOL) (LOL means)= Laugh Out Loud) Got it from chatting!

Man, I am so motivated to write in a journal again. Plus the 40-year-old me can go back and read it and say, “Man, that 21-year-old me, what a hoot!”

Posted in: Personal – 19 Comments

How not to start off the new year

January 2, 2009

For New Year’s Day, a couple of friends and I went to catch a flick called “The Spirit”, and if you ask me, the movie stinks. I LOVED the visual techniques in “Sin City”, but when it was used for “The Spirit”, it didn’t get the same effect. Because for one, “Sin City” already did it, and second, the visualization in “The Spirit” was messy and half-assed. The entire characters were one-dimensional and spoke in such a completely stylized and slick dialog that you couldn’t buy into it.

Speaking of slick, do you know who’s not slick?

Me.

After the film, we hung out at Pris’s yard, chit chattin’ and what not, and part of the discussion concerned epic karate moves. I was demonstrating to them the art of an authentic roundhouse kick, and my foot landed on doggy doo right after doing it. I was wearing my favorite shoes too.

Instead of getting praises for my roundhouse kick, I only heard laughter for stepping on doggy doo.

Yeah, good one Tiff. No one’s ever going to take your roundhouse kicks seriously anymore!

Stepping on dog shit, or any kind of shit, sucks, but when something like that happens, I usually try to find the bright side of things. In this case, I stepped on a firm, dried up ol’ piece of turd, which is, hands down, way better than stepping on a soaked and freshly shitted mountain mush with steam coming off of it.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Posted in: Entertainment, Uncategorized – 17 Comments