Next week I’m going to see some of my relatives for a little family get-together. For the most part, I’m excited…but I’m also dreading it because one of the girls there really dislikes me.

We only see each other about every 4-6 months, and yet her aversion towards me has been going on for years. When we get to see each other she never greets me; she doesn’t even look at me in the eye. I’m always the one who says hi to her first, but sometimes she ignores it, and other times she says hi back, but in a cold and careless way.

She quite a talker, but whenever I come up to her and try to make conversation she suddenly turns into this socially retarded brat who can only give you one word answers.

Tiff: Hey man, how’s school and everything?

Fine.

Tiff: Still talking to what’s his face?

Yes.

Tiff: Oh right on…uh I’m doing fine too incase you were wondering.

(She says nothing, walks away to talk to someone else)

When she’s not talking to me, I always catch her eyeing my shoes or a certain article of clothing that I’m wearing, it’s creepy.

I always try to be nice to her. I always try to minimize that unnerving, awkward tension that exists between me and her but she always seems to shun me. I do it for the sake of my relatives. If she wasn’t part of the family, then I wouldn’t even bother.

It sucks because we use to play together occasionally when we were kids, but ever since she hit college she started to care a lot more about boys and makeup, and now, she sees me as some kind of competition. It’s really sad and pathetic because she doesn’t seem to grasp that I don’t give a shit if she looked better and dressed better than me or had the hotter boyfriend or whatever other dumb shit chicks usually try to compete with other chicks for in middle school.

I really don’t care dude, if I could, I would give her a gawddamn plaque that said she won if it means to make her insecurities go away and for her to quit acting like a brat towards me. For now, we can only wait.

On a side note, don’t take the title of this entry too seriously. haha

Wow, did I just say that? This time of year brings out the inner fob in me. It really does.

Well this is going to be quick and painless guys, I just wanted to wish a Happy Chinese and Vietnamese New Years to those who celebrate it.

I’ll be looking forward to spending time with family and relatives, eating good Asian food, receiving those goody little red envelopes (lì xì), and definitely, definitely will look forward to gambling in a game of bau cua.

Today I received a message on OkCupid (not your average dating site) and it says:

I know I already sent you a message but I wanted to say you are very pretty again.

Apparently the guy sent me another message before. But frankly, I don’t remember the message and its sender, and frankly, I’m not surprised that I don’t remember anything about it because I’m sure the first message was as dull as the second one.

If I only knew how to not come off as an asshole to him then I would respond to his message, but since I really can’t, I’m going to be nice by not writing back to him…directly. Instead I will post my never-sent-it-but-shoulda-sent-it message here and if he reads it (I posted my website link on my OkCupid profile) then so be it, it might be a blessing in disguise for him anyway.

Dear Guy who Thinks I’m Pretty Again,

Thanks. But dude, really, I don’t give a shit. I really don’t.

Flattering chicks online with something as superficial and trivial as, “I think you’re really cute” is not going to make them want to rub your balls, guy. And I say online because it’s truly one of the few “places” where you can send an interesting first message by reading a few things from their profile first. Offline…not so much.

So instead of skipping my profile to take the easy route by using flattery of fucking baloney that doesn’t work on anybody nowadays, cut the shit and take advantage of the written, comprehensive profile I have offered to my fellow OkCupiders by reading it and using it to initiate a real discussion.

Flattery can be sweet, when used in the right time and context, but the chances of getting a decent chick to start liking you by simply telling her that she’s pretty, which she’s already aware of, are low, way low.

You know what we like? Be it online or off, we like smart and funny guys who know how to talk. We like guys who can carry a fun and interesting conversation–not guys who are only capable of saying, “Oh I thank yur purrrrrday…” or in Julie’s case, “Damn, you have a nice ass.”

If that were me, I’d answer back and say, “Aww thanks. Poop comes out of it!” Boner, averted.

Sorry,

Tiff