Today I received a message on OkCupid (not your average dating site) and it says:
I know I already sent you a message but I wanted to say you are very pretty again.
Apparently the guy sent me another message before. But frankly, I don’t remember the message and its sender, and frankly, I’m not surprised that I don’t remember anything about it because I’m sure the first message was as dull as the second one.
If I only knew how to not come off as an asshole to him then I would respond to his message, but since I really can’t, I’m going to be nice by not writing back to him…directly. Instead I will post my never-sent-it-but-shoulda-sent-it message here and if he reads it (I posted my website link on my OkCupid profile) then so be it, it might be a blessing in disguise for him anyway.
Dear Guy who Thinks I’m Pretty Again,
Thanks. But dude, really, I don’t give a shit. I really don’t.
Flattering chicks online with something as superficial and trivial as, “I think you’re really cute” is not going to make them want to rub your balls, guy. And I say online because it’s truly one of the few “places” where you can send an interesting first message by reading a few things from their profile first. Offline…not so much.
So instead of skipping my profile to take the easy route by using flattery of fucking baloney that doesn’t work on anybody nowadays, cut the shit and take advantage of the written, comprehensive profile I have offered to my fellow OkCupiders by reading it and using it to initiate a real discussion.
Flattery can be sweet, when used in the right time and context, but the chances of getting a decent chick to start liking you by simply telling her that she’s pretty, which she’s already aware of, are low, way low.
You know what we like? Be it online or off, we like smart and funny guys who know how to talk. We like guys who can carry a fun and interesting conversation–not guys who are only capable of saying, “Oh I thank yur purrrrrday…” or in Julie’s case, “Damn, you have a nice ass.”
If that were me, I’d answer back and say, “Aww thanks. Poop comes out of it!” Boner, averted.
Sorry,
Tiff
So true. I used to get those kind of private messages on myspace and not once have I ever responded. (Maybe because they went did a hop, skip and a jump to 20 other girls’ myspace profiles and messaged them with the same thing, who knows) Bottom line, not genuine.
Also, sorry, but NO GAME since he had to send a second message. That’s like the “hey, did you call, my phone was off for like two seconds but I thought maybe you might have called between that time.” Aww.
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lol its such a refreshing post, Tiff. yeah i dont need all that too, especially online. Even if in real world, using compliments at first sentences will make me run for the door. They need to come up with something better than that, to show at least they have manners and brain intact.
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AMEN!!!!!!!
I’m sick of this too.
Loved this post.
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I totally LOVED this post! I can’t agree more. We already know we’re pretty and it’s nice to be reminded and all but I like to think that other than my physical appearance, something else stands out to other people.
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I get those messages all the time too from online communities.. even ones that I haven’t logged onto in years. I’m like.. wth you still use this thing?!
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I always get e-mails from random Hotmail/MSN girls who are all,
“Hey. I saw your profile and thought you were cute. Message me sometime.” I always feel inclined to send them naked pictures of fat girls as attachments with the message, “Thanks, hon!”
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this may be a stupid question, but are you spelling manual “manuel” on purpose?? i can’t tell if there’s a joke to it :S apologize for my slowness. but um, the “poop comes out of it!” part keeps cracking me up. excellent comeback line, brilliant.
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Tiff Reply:
January 23rd, 2009 at 1:10 pm
No, that was just a horrible spelling mistake.
Haha thanks for catching it. I’ll fix it later.
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I love it. Some dudes are so sorely lacking in game that, man, it’s actually really sad. I kind of want to that Ghost Dad, Bill Cosby thing and possess their bodies and derail what they were going to say.
Whenever I do REALLY bad with a date (and fuck me has it happened), I want to self destruct and take it as far down south as possible. Once I realize she thinks I’m boring as shit, I want to say, “Excuse me, I must change my pants. I urinated myself.” Then I’ll vanish for fifteen minutes and come back wearing sweat pants.
The best thing to do when going on a date is to lay it alllll out there. If you lay it all out and it doesn’t work, it never would have in the first place.
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AAAhhh, I literary laughed out loud at the end of this blog.
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hahahaha that’s funny
recently i’ve come to a liking of one of my TAs.
i am trying to think of a witty way to start a convo with him
im pretty fail at it
oh master of wit, think of something for me?
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Tiff Reply:
January 25th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Haha talk to him like you would talk to anyone else.
When you find yourself standing or sitting next to him, make the opportunity to get to know him. You can start saying stuff like, “Man, that test was so hard.”
Let me know it works for you.
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I tried the dating site thing before and quit in a few months. It was really creepy and overall, a huge turnoff. Some of the guys that were there that looked good had really bad profiles. I wanted a bit of substance. That is hard to find.
I think if someone cannot take the time to write a decent letter rather than a shallow one-liner, then I delete the messages. I do not bother with a response. It is not worth it if you decided to meet them IRL and find out they have nothing to say….or they really did not look like their pic.
I get comments on my blog occasionally and I usually leave them up for comedic reasons. Usually one of my usuals will reply and it is funny to read.
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Your blogs have me laughing every time.
I have spent my fair share of time on a dating website, namely PlentyofFish.com (it’s where I met my boyfriend, actually, but he was a lucky find), and have certainly received many “hey qt wut u up 2?” type messages. Bleh. Next…
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“…not going to make them want to rub your balls, guy.”
Oh man that was so hilarious/true!!! You had me laughing like a complete dork! I’m still laughing! It’s so weird! I had profiles on some sites and I got the craziest messages that I had to just leave or avoid even looking at the website. A lot of scary, scary men who would NEVER approach me or any woman the way they would online–which is scary. Well, I don’t know if they wouldn’t approach women the way they do online.
I honestly think that some guys honestly do not know what to say to girls and the first thing that comes up is something that is obvious to both the girl and the guy so there can at least be some sort of common ground. Right? I mean at least I think that’s some aspect of it since I suck at relationships.
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“you’re pretty ” isn’t exactly a compliment either.. it’s just like saying someone is nice. what does that mean? nice is such a bland filler word. same with “interesting”.
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I used to get those all the time. Or those that just came out and straight away asked me if I wanted to go out with them without even introducing themselves. Or worse, just one line: a/s/l?
Blergh. I met my hubby online but he is much more creative than that.
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Tiff, you just eloquently put my thoughts into writing. And you even made it witty and punching—*applause*
Moar power to Tiff!
Yay!
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lolz. yay tiff
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