After receiving enlightenment on the Ladder Theory, I use to think that men and women couldn’t truly be friends unless they were somewhat attracted to each other. Actually, I still believe it’s true, with very few exceptions, but most of my friends and family members I had talked to disagreed on the subject. Most of them said I shouldn’t be so anal and that I shouldn’t assume every guy is out to get one thing. So, I decided to play by their rules when a guy had approached me last week (not really, but I did try).
I was at school, sitting on the benches while trying to call the theater arts teacher until someone tapped on my shoulder from behind and asked if he could interview me for a class project. I answered, “Sure, why not?” He then sits across from me and asks me some intrusive questions related to dating, and sure enough, each of my answers turned into a discussion.
During my “interview” I learned a few things about my interviewer. He’s like a chick, and he even admits it. He likes romantic movies. He read “The Notebook” once and cried at the end. Chick, much? I think so.
At the very end of our conversation, he jumps up and says, “Man, you’re like a dude!”
“That’s it? That’s your conclusion? That’s great…”
“Well don’t take it as an insult, I’m the chick, remember?” He looks at his cellphone then puts it back in his pocket, “Well hey, I better get going, but I really enjoyed talking to you, and thank you.”
“Yeah no problem.” I shake his hands. “Nice meeting you.”
“Actually, mind if I get your number?”
“For reference? Sure!” We both laugh. He hands me his blackberry and after punching in my number I gave it back to him.
“Just promise me you won’t have a crush on me.”
“What?”
“I have a girlfriend,” A smile crossed his lips.
“Then why are you asking for my number?!”
“Because you seem really cool, and I’d love to get to know you more as friends.”
“Ok, I don’t mind being friends, but here’s the deal, delete my number now or tell your girlfriend that you asked for my number.”
“Yeah, ok,” he nodded, “I’m really open with her.”
The following day, he called my number. Feeling rather uncomfortable about the situation, I screened it, and then text him, “Can’t talk at the moment, what did you want?”
He replies, “Just wanted to say hi 
”
Phone number deleted.
Sorry, but is this still me being paranoid and all-up-in-the-ass or does that really sound shady? ‘Cause I’ll be damned if my boyfriend did that. Maybe guys and girls can probably be just friends, but really, I think it can be easily misinterpreted as something more depending on the situation.
I ended up meeting another guy prior to that, who also wasn’t single. We had gotten along as friends that we ended up talking on the phone. I knew he only saw me as a friend, and only as a friend, because flirtation was never really implicated on both ends. The only problem now is…well…I’m the one who’s starting to develop a little crush.
Maybe the real question to this blog isn’t “Can guys and girls really be friends?” rather it should be “Can Tiff really be friends with guys?” :-/
I think girls and guys can be friends! I have 2 guy bestfriends n we text n talk on the phone all the time. I’m very comfortable with them n consider them one of my girlfriends haha
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i think it’s possible
bc i have a lot of guys friends and we all drink, play wii, talk about whatever together, actually scratch that we dont talk that much
but those guys are guys you’ve known for so long that it’s never gonna be like that…
?
does that make any sense?!
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Tiff Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Sure it does.
Take one of your guy friends for example. Let’s say you walked into his bedroom, naked, and asked for sex. Would he accept your offer? If not, then I think that’s a real friend. haha
But would you be okay if your boyfriend asked for a girl’s number, simply because he thought she was cool in a friendly way?
That’s where it gets tricky…
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emm Reply:
February 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
hahaha
the naked and sex part, yeah most of my friends would definitely turn me down, they dont see me as a girl and they’ve seen me vomit all over he place so yeah hahaha
but i think i’d not be okay with my boyfriend going around asking for other girls numbers, no matter how well they hit it off
AND
he sounded like kind of a douche b/c he said “don’t get a crush on me” that guy has seen A walk to Remember too many times
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As a man who gambles for a living, and understands the thought process of other members of his sex, i’d care to wager he didn’t actually have a girlfried, and it was in fact a great big lie.
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Hmmmmm I don’t talk to my guy friends that much on the phone.. I use msn to chat :/ I only talk to my boyfriend on the phone for long hours, so I guess that’s how I know if I am really getting intimate :/ I’m a weirdo.
But I think guys and girls can be friends, your naked-in-their-bed example is pretty good, but I’d feel kind of sad if they rejected me ahahah.. just because it’s almost like them saying you’re not attractive enough >_>
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i’d be shaded out too. i’m not very good at being friends with guys. i am so black and white that it would either be “in a relationship” or “just friends” and no grey area in between (casual, fwb?). trouble is, it usually ends up being more “in a relationship” cos i think guys always have some underlying reason they’re hanging out with me… so, if i’m not interested i’ll freak out and block them from my life. it’s good to meet people though. maybe this guy has one of those cool independent relationships (not open, but more free..)… i wouldn’t rule him out entirely. i hate those ‘rules’ in relationships anyway that make this “shady”. lasjdlsfje so suffocating!
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I can, it’s usually easier with people you know since you were a kid though. It’s harder to just be friends with guys during these ages , just saying
or maybe im not that good.
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If I were his girlfriend and he told me that, I’d be somewhat taken aback but the fact that he tells me about it will somewhat put my mind to ease. From what you said, he doesn’t sound like an average joe anyway (more like an average chick).
It does sound odd though.
Anyway, I think that most of the time, guys and girls can’t JUST be friends. What’s a boyfriend/girlfriend anyway? A member of the opposite sex who you like enough. Well, okay, it’s not that simple but you know what I mean. And if you spend too much time with someone, you’re bound to like them and maybe convert (or mistake) your feeling of pure platonic friendship to something more lovey-dovey.
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I’m surprised nobody has pointed out GAY GUYS. Just saying. ;D
But to answer the question posed by the title, yes, I think it’s possible. It ultimately depends on the people involved, the environment they’re in, hormones, (and of course sexual orientation) etc. But it’s possible.
I wouldn’t rule the guy out entirely, but that is a rather interesting situation there.
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I think too much emphasis is placed on alterior motives… the paranoia that friendship is not just friendship. Fuck it. I always hear people say that confessing your attraction for someone can fuck up a friendship, so they keep it all bottled up. If I like a girl, I say, “Hey, you know what? You’re a cool chick. I have a little bit of a crush on you. If you like me, cool. If not, that’s okay, too. I’m not a jealous weirdo, so… hey. We can still be friends and you can introduce me to your boyfriend without me acting withdrawn and creepy.”
Plotanic relationships are possible, absolutely. There might be sexual undertones, but I mean part of our biological makeup is to get it on, so if you have a sexy-ass friend, you’re probably gonna wonder what they look like naked. Whatevs, it’s no big deal. You can still play frisbee without wanting to cheat on your significant others, or without a suprise boner ruining the afternoon.
That dude with his phone number…? That’s a little iffy. I don’t know. An interview. An exchange of phone numbers. I’ve seen at least 7 pornographic films with the same exact plot. The whole getting to know someone with the excuse of a “class assignment,” has like this whole teacher-subject power struggle creepiness sewn into it. How convenient is it that the assignment was on dating? If I had to interview subjects for the same thing, I’d sure as shit be professional as a motherfucker. I’d lay it out there and I’d leave. End of weirdass story. I wouldn’t be like, “Wow, you’re cute. Glad I interviewed you!”
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It is rare, but their are always exceptions to everything. Straight Guys and Straight Girls are usually friends when they have already had a relationship and are now ex’s. haha. Straight Girls have Gay Boyfriends/Husbands now all the time, that’s nothing new.
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That is kinda …. blah??? My hubby tends to do that, he started with this one chick he met at the clubs through a friend and she flies back and forth from here to Toronto for school, and then they started talking on FB and then msn, and then texting, and I actually got really offended, because I don’t even know her even though I met her a few times. It’s just all out of respect, and if a guy is attached, and you haven’t known him for that long, it’s best to just keep a distance before you get labeled something you shouldn’t. Good for you for deleting the number!!
Hahaha… sorry for my rants, sometimes guys have this stupid thoughts that those things or actions are acceptable.
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hi got here thru Katy ^^
i had a guy bestfriend since middle school up to the early days of college. we were pretty close..til on our 2nd year in college when he started to act weird around me up until he confessed that he’s into me…it was the end of our friendship…he’s a great guy but i’ve always looked at him as a friend (or a brother) and after that confession, i always felt unsure and uncomfortable when we’re alone…its sad though cuz we eventually lost contact up until 2 years ago when i found out from a common friend that he got married.
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i agree with you, it does sound kind of sus when he asked for your number and then calls you because he wants to say hi, even though he has a gf. :/
i think guys and girls and girls can be friends, but for some friend relationships there’s a lot of history to get to that “stable friendship” point, like i have had a few guy friends, where 1. i thought i liked them for a bit, then got over it or 2. they liked me and then got over it. do you get me? it’s like there’s a little interlude where suddenly you “think” or actually do develop some kind of crush for the person but then it goes away and you continue on being friends. then there are guys who you’ve been friends forever and don’t know it any other way.
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This is a really hard question. Hehe. I kept coming on, about to comment, type something out, then a thought pops in my head, so I delete the comment and think and ponder. Then leave your site. Then come back…think up something..type, delete, leave.
So I guess in my case, depends on the guy, and depends on the girl. Because I’m friends with guys who have girlfriends and I call them and message them quite often and I have no feelings for them, but I know sometimes feelings can also start up from that, if it gets too far. Although, if I had a boyfriend and he had girl-friends from before we got together, it would be ok, but I’d be a little insecure if he started making alllll these new girl-friends after. But not exactly sure why, if they’re just friends.
So yeah, I’m sticking to: It all depends.
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I think they can,
^_^
90% of my friends are girls hahaha maybe it’s cause i went to FIT in new york and the school population of girls is like 86% hahaha, im also friends with my ex as well but that’s complicated … hahaha
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I’m just friends with a lot of guys but I find that I still have to be somewhat cautious when socializing with them. I’m totally secure of the fact that we’re all really just friends but I have weird ass body language and I get kinda amorous when I’m drunk (heh) and shit, I’d feel sorry for the guy if I send him the wrong message. Imagine the awkwardness!
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I find it really hard to be friends with guys as well. Well, I can be ‘normal’ friends with them, but I can’t get too close. When I get too close, either of us will bound to end up with the wrong idea about each other. So right now, the safest is to treat my hubby as my best friend. Heh.
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nope. absolutely cannot be “just friends.” one side is always potentially interested, was interested, or could be interested in the other side.
i’ve talked to all my guy friends about this and they all agree that being “just friends” is bullshit.
hahah
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i absolutely think a girl and guy and can be best friends
i have two best guy friends,
oh my gosh, i love those boys so much, you have no idea.
and i always tell them, you guys have no clue how much i love you!
and they say it to me too
but we’re just friends,
and i don’t like neither of them as more than a friend
they’re more like my big brothers
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