Last Saturday was my brother’s wedding, and obviously everybody had a blast.
However.
One of my brother-in-laws, Vincent, got really drunk, and after the reception, I walked outside and and found him sitting on the curb, with his head down, waiting for chunks to come out. My sister (his wife, Asia) and my other brother-in-law were there trying to comfort him, they were talking to him, patting and rubbing his back and then out comes the Wedding Singer holding a roll of paper towel.
“I got him, I got him,” The Wedding Singer sat next next to Vincent, patted his mouth with the paper towel roll, and started to rub his back. My other brother-in-law starts to back off. “I take care of him. He need to sit here for a while before he can get into the car.”
More back rubbing and massaging ensues, the Wedding Singer looks up at me as I stare in utter confusion and then frantically asks me, “Water. He need water. Can you get it for me?”
“Yeah,” I answered. I ran back to the restaurant looking for water. The waiters seemed very occupied cleaning up the area so I grabbed the nearest and cleanest looking glass of water from one of the tables. I walked out of the place and found the Wedding Singer in the middle of a conversation with Asia.
“Everyone go! Go! I take care of him!” He takes the cup out of my hands while talking to my sister, “He my friend. I will help.”
“I’m his wife,” Asia giggled, trying to make the situation less awkward, “And I’m not going anywhere without my husband.”
So we all stayed, waiting for Vincent to puke, while the Wedding Singer caresses his back some more and uses the water to help clean his mouth.
During this time, NOBODY thought of anything. We just thought the Wedding Singer was being really, really helpful and really, really weird, until…
*BLERHHHH!!!*
Barf galore, barf on the ground, barf on the curb, and barf on the Wedding Singer’s arm.
“It’s OK. I take care of him. Everybody go,” he motions his hand suggesting us to go away.
He was ok with it. He was much more concerned with us going away so that he could be alone with my brother-in-law then his arms, covered in the thickest, smelliest smellin’ shit puke ever. And that’s where it hit me and my sister. We looked at each other, mouth wide open, and we knew exactly what we were thinking…
This guy is dead horny and he wants my sister’s husband, badly.
After the puke fest and realizing the Wedding Singer’s disturbing motives, my sister and I both helped Vincent up.
“Thanks for helping my husband, we’re going home now.”
“Wait, he should sit here longer. It’s not good to bring him into the car rye now,” The Wedding Singer grabs a hold of Vincent’s shoulder, “You guys go. I do it myself.”
“Dude, you’re not getting ass tonight. Sorry.” I told him. Without saying a word, he released his grip, and that was the last of the Wedding Singer.
Geez, what a creepfuck. If I had taken a photo of him, I would have most certainly posted it here to warn people, like what people do when they find sexual offenders, because I have no doubt in my mind that he does this in every–if not most–weddings. I mean, the guy was already equipped with a roll of paper towel, how strategic can you get?
So I have to warn any Vietnamese people from Orange County who are planning to hire Vietnamese wedding singers/bands. I know that there’s a shitload of them out there in this county, but if you HAPPEN to hire a band and one of them has buzzed hair, wears glasses, and speaks terrible English…keep an eye on him after the reception.
*shudders*
22 Comments
HILARIOUS!!! Haha
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LOL That’s so creeeeeeeepy!
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thanks for the warning. lol.. that’s soooo creepy. KIND OF funny.. but totally freaky… eeek.
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omg -=p
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bahaahhahah! that’s freakin’ awesome, i love it, i love the accent, the broken english, and the creepy motives. hahaha =P and yes, you can have sum bubbletea
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ohmygod gross, TALKING ABOUT BEING VERY DESPERATE.
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what the hell? hahaha geez, you live in a really weird world over there… I’m guessing that’s Chi Dao’s hubby? aren’t they like ancient now?
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Tiff Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Yeah, that’s them. Ancient? What do you mean?
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Theresa Reply:
July 26th, 2009 at 7:59 pm
I mean they’re old lol… they are close in age to the uncles lol
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Tiff Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 12:02 am
Old? Not at all! They’re not even 30 yet.
Theresa Reply:
July 27th, 2009 at 12:29 am
are you trying to be funny -_-’
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OH MY LORD.
That’s gross. He’d do him with puke all over him? Not even if the guy were my lab partner who I’m infatuated with would I do that! Well, on second thought… I can immerse him in hot soapy water…
I’m kidding. That’s so creepy. Good thing you two noticed and saved him!
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Maybe he just really likes puke?
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Wow the wedding singer went for a guy, and a married one at that? As if there wasn’t anyone else?! Tiff and Asia to the rescue! Did you fill him in the next day? How was the reaction? Horrified, I’m sure?
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Hahahaha too funny!! So what was his reaction when he found out?
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ROFL
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA
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EWWWWW that is so creepy! O_O
ahh i live all the way in new york city, so im fine! *phew
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Wow. Things like that i have no words for but wow! lol
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hello.. just stumble upon ur blog… i love the layout of the blog.. do you design blog layout and stuffs?? i’m looking for a designer to do up a blog theme for my blogshop.
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Tiff Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Hi, I don’t design blog layouts from scratch.
All the ones you’ve seen, are taken from sites that offer free theme. I just take them, and modify them to my taste
Thanks
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Have people gotten so lazy trying to pick up others that they’d result into such elaborate schemes of idiocy?
Although that was quite funny. =P
Also, my site is currently down although I’m working on getting a new domain up around today/tomorrow. So please don’t think I went away. xD
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Tiff Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Yeah, amirite or what?
Ok, thanks for the heads up
Can’t wait to see what the new domain is! Keep me posted.
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LMAO. Wow. What a creep.
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Omg =_________=;;;
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that sounds really fk’n scary…
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hey just wanted to know if you got my email off twitter. i’m the one that wants the lookbook invite. thanks
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“buzzed hair, wears glasses, and speaks terrible English” Uhmmm…isn’t that like *EVERY* Vietnamese wedding singer out there? haha.
But, srsly, why must Vietnamese wedding singers always, and I mean ALWAYS have to sing depressing, synth-accompanied, love ballads? Isn’t it supposed to be a happy occasion?
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You’d never expect it from a wedding singer. Almost every other profession, rape is an option… but not a wedding singer, for some reason.
Cab driver? Yeah, they’re sleazy.
Dentist? Ohhhh yeah. Hell yeah. Dentists have total control when you’re asleep.
Cop? Sure thing. He writes you a ticket, threatens you with jail time… rape.
School teacher? I’ve seen enough foreign films to know my shit.
Janitor? Same thing. Moppin’ all day means one thing: Rape.
Magician? Ala-Kazam! Rape!
Lion tamer? If you can whip a fucking LION into submission, you can definitely get your rape on.
A chef? I hope you enjoyed the fish that will soon make you so, so sleepy.
Wedding singer? Wow… I feel like my world is crumbling.
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Tiff Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Hahaha, Billy you are a hoot.
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