If you’re around my age, you probably have the hots for male actors like Josh Gordon Levitt, James Franco and Robert Pattinson. While these guys are undoubtedly gifted with charming good looks, nothing is more attractive than real men who are obviously older and far more experienced with being a man, getting laid, punching babies and just life in general.
I mean, look, I’m not saying I have a thing for older dudes. Older people, both men and women, are simply wayyy more interesting compared to us naive little youngsters. The wrinkles and the grey hair people start to get from aging can be a very sexy thing (as long as they’re not druggies or batshit crazy) because it means they’re leveling up. So here are some of the men in the entertainment biz I currently admire:
5. Josh Brolin
Who knew this former goonie would grow up to be a ballsy ass cowboy? Brolin gets to be on my list because he’s been in so many good movies lately–although he’s usually in supporting roles, but hey man, he’s just that good at supporting: Grindhouse: Planet Terror, No Country for Old Men, American Gangster, Milk, and The Goonies just to name a few. Yes, that’s him. That’s the guy who played the big hunky brother (Brandon Walsh) in The Goonies; the guy you wished you locked lips with as kid, instead of that fuglified Andy.
4. James Caviezel
I swear, it seems like the older he gets, the more beautiful his face becomes. You might know him from The Passion of the Christ, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Stoning of Soraya M, or Deja Vu. He’s got crazy man-piercing eyes that’ll swallow your soul if you stared at it long enough. He makes a good-looking Jesus. And he’s apparently pretty serious about his Catholic religion. No matter what your stance is on the church, you can’t deny the fact that you’ll never be able to find another Catholic man that’s as beautiful as Caviezel.
3. Louis C.K.
If I wasn’t happy with my current relationship, I would ask this glorious son-of-a-bitch to marry me. Yes, I’m aware that he’s slightly fat, ugly, ginger and he’s balding and hair-ing at the same time but he’s one of the most brilliant and hilarious comedians of our time. Louis CK has been putting out original consistently funny and brutally honest comedy for years, and the man hasn’t even lost his fire yet. If you watch any of his stand-ups–or even his TV show on FX Louis–you will understand the odd yet strong attraction I have for Mr. CK.
2. Viggo Mortensen
I first saw Viggo in the LOTR Trilogies but he didn’t really win my heart until I saw several Youtube videos of him speaking in like FIVE OR SIX OR FUCKING TEN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES. According to Wikipedia, he “speaks fluent English, Danish and Spanish; he is also conversational in French and Italian, and understands Norwegian and Swedish.” If that doesn’t get your panties dropping like Myspace hits, then you’re clearly not human at all.
1. Anthony Bourdain
Anthony Bourdain is the coolest, baddest and possibly oldest man on television. Though I may be just a partially biased because he reminds me of so much like my boyfriend in the mannerisms, the younger photos, and the fact that they both appreciate all different types of food from all over the world. But really though, Bourdain somehow turned his chef career into a rockstar lifestyle. He’s a paid chef who doesn’t even have to cook. He has the best job in the world, hands down. He also seems like a real genuine guy who cares because he stands up to activists who try to ban certain foods such as foie gras. He also acknowledges the Mexican, Ecuadorian and other Spanish-speaking immigrants who make up the majority of chefs and cooks in the U.S, and strongly considers them to be the most talented chefs but are undervalued and underpaid. What an outstanding individual.
I’m really hungry now.