I’m positive most of what I’m about to write is what we’ve experienced as both victims and perpetrators. If you’ve never left a bad comment yourself, then well, aren’t you just a precious little angel!
1. I’ll just leave this here…comment — You’re most likely a selfish blogger whose primary goal is to get more hits on your blog. Numbers are the only thing that matters to you, so you’ll go to at least 15-20 new blogs a day to leave the same generic comment like the heartless blogger you are. When visiting a new blog, you don’t even glance at the entry, but you click straight into the comments section instead and type “Your blog is so cute!”. And if you’re feeling crazy you’ll change it up a little by writing “Love your post!” instead.
My response: Really? That’s it? I just wrote an entry on eating lasagna with my dad for father’s day and how I went home to my dog crying itself to actual death because of an unbeknownst heart tumor, asshole.
2. Maybe if I look for keywords they’ll think I’ll know what I’m writing about…comment — You probably feel obligated to leave a comment only because they’ve left a comment on your’s. But ONOZ–their latest entry seems painfully long to you and you’re a lazy tard. Instead of skipping the post, you dive deep into it by searching for key words and pictures that will hopefully summarize the point of their post to come up with this brilliant bullshit of a comment…only to end up looking like a complete idiot.
“Yikes yikes yikes, I’m really sorry to hear about your dad dying on Father’s Day. It makes it even sadder that your dog was crying over his death. Feel better and eat some tums for your heartburn!”
3. Let’s talk about the least important thing…comment — The majority of the post (dog dying and all) somehow completely goes over your head and the only thing you can say is how you’re suddenly craving for lasagna and other Italian foods.
4. Let’s talk about something entirely off topic…comment — The alternative to #3. My comments section isn’t a goddamn Facebook wall for you to write trivial crap, but nice try anyway.
5. Summarize everything in one or two sentences…comment — Possibly the least severe and most forgivable of all sucky blog comments. Scanning for key words (#2) is too risky for you so you’ll end up reading most of the words. No matter how long or detailed the entry is, you’ll always leave an extremely compressed and quick comment going over the main points of the topic, because anything more is just too much damn work. Nobody knows if you’ve actually read the whole thing and you’re just a lazy responding bastard. But for sure, you’ll always be the latter.