Thank you Gretch for tagging me! I’ve always wanted to be “tagged” by another blogger and now I finally get to be a part of this taggity taggathon thingy. Here are your “rules”:

1.Post 5 “faces” – different expressions, different situations, different moods.
2.Tag 5 friends.
3.Link back to the person who tagged you.
4.Have fun~!

And fun I shall have!

Tagging Vikki, Jazmyn, Denise, Helga and Gabi. AND anyone else who wants to do it. I want to see more of these on the internet!

I’m positive most of what I’m about to write is what we’ve experienced as both victims and perpetrators. If you’ve never left a bad comment yourself, then well, aren’t you just a precious little angel!

1. I’ll just leave this here…comment — You’re most likely a selfish blogger whose primary goal is to get more hits on your blog. Numbers are the only thing that matters to you, so you’ll go to at least 15-20 new blogs a day to leave the same generic comment like the heartless blogger you are. When visiting a new blog, you don’t even glance at the entry, but you click straight into the comments section instead and type “Your blog is so cute!”. And if you’re feeling crazy you’ll change it up a little by writing “Love your post!” instead.

My response: Really? That’s it? I just wrote an entry on eating lasagna with my dad for father’s day and how I went home to my dog crying itself to actual death because of an unbeknownst heart tumor, asshole.

2. Maybe if I look for keywords they’ll think I’ll know what I’m writing about…comment — You probably feel obligated to leave a comment only because they’ve left a comment on your’s. But ONOZ–their latest entry seems painfully long to you and you’re a lazy tard. Instead of skipping the post, you dive deep into it by searching for key words and pictures that will hopefully summarize the point of their post to come up with this brilliant bullshit of a comment…only to end up looking like a complete idiot.

“Yikes yikes yikes, I’m really sorry to hear about your dad dying on Father’s Day. It makes it even sadder that your dog was crying over his death. Feel better and eat some tums for your heartburn!”

3. Let’s talk about the least important thing…comment — The majority of the post (dog dying and all) somehow completely goes over your head and the only thing you can say is how you’re suddenly craving for lasagna and other Italian foods.

4. Let’s talk about something entirely off topic…comment — The alternative to #3. My comments section isn’t a goddamn Facebook wall for you to write trivial crap, but nice try anyway.

5. Summarize everything in one or two sentences…comment – Possibly the least severe and most forgivable of all sucky blog comments. Scanning for key words (#2) is too risky for you so you’ll end up reading most of the words. No matter how long or detailed the entry is, you’ll always leave an extremely compressed and quick comment going over the main points of the topic, because anything more is just too much damn work. Nobody knows if you’ve actually read the whole thing and you’re just a lazy responding bastard. But for sure, you’ll always be the latter.

I enjoy finding new blogs to read but there are a lot of moments where I’d visit a blog for the first time and say “NOPE”, followed by a click to the X. My reasons are either the content of the posts and/ the layout of the blog. Content is way more subjective than layout, so I’ll just shut up about what sort of writing makes for a good snorefest and focus on the construction of the blog instead.

1. Too many pictures on the front page. I enjoy looking at pictures just as much as the next guy, but you gotta keep that under control bro. I won’t be able to tell you how many pictures in one page should be considered too many, but if my scroll bar is getting smaller and smaller, and it won’t stop getting smaller as I’m trying to scroll down to find your previous entries…then we have a problem. You can either reduce the number of posts shown on the front page, use thumbnails for your pictures, or cut off your paragraph and insert “continue reading” link instead.

2. Too many words, not enough paragraphs. When you’re writing a longer entry, break them into paragraphs so we won’t have to use rulers or our fingers in case we get lost into your massive wall of text.

3. Only one post on the front page. There are exceptions to this (ie: TOO MANY PICTURES, etc), but I generally can’t stand them, especially when the paragraphs tend to be short and sweet. For that, I would just add more entries to the page because most people would not click a few pages back just to catch up with your life–that involves too much commitment and clicking.

4. Password Protected. I’m quite sure there are many valid and serious reasons to password protect your posts, but let’s be real here, that’s a pretty random thing to have. The real issue I have with it is I don’t know what the social protocol is if I stumbled on the latest post that’s protected by “the” password. Do I wait and expect the blogger to give me the password? Do I ask for the password even though it may come off creepy/nosy that I’m actually curious to read what possible juicy gossip has been written behind it? Would it be considered rude if I don’t ask when I’m a regular reader? Can I even handle rejection if I’m not given a password when asked?

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSE TO DO.

5. Small fonts and tiny line-spacing. What are we to you, ants? Enlarge everything so our eyes won’t bleed.

6. Captcha. Blogspot captchas have to be the absolute worst when you’re trying to submit your comment because they’re nearly impossible to decipher. Even when you’re already signed in to Blogspot, they still don’t trust you so you have to fill out the captcha regardless. Fuck off Blogspot captcha, I’ve earned my place on the internet, I’m a real goddamn human being.

 7. Clicking “Continue Reading” only to find out there’s not much to read. Da fuq, mang. Why do you make us do all this unnecessary work for?