FAQ: Are you crazy?
A: No, I just have telekinetic abilities. That’s all.
Sincerely,
Tiff
My eBay Project.
I just remembered selling ludicrously bland things on Ebay last year and making money out of them. And by ludicrously bland things, I mean t-shirts, and by t-shirts, I mean plain white t-shirts that have already been worn by me.
I also noticed that my things tend to sell if I’m in the picture (duh), so I’m thinking, man, if I just hold a Styrofoam cup of paper clips and a used travel size shampoo and conditioner, and then post it on ebay, would anyone bid on it?
To quench my perpetual thirst for answers, I decided to google “weirdest ebay items” and found out that, and I shit you not, some belly button lint is currently up for bid for $170.00 so far.
So yes, I’ve come to the conclusion that someone, at least one person, in this wacked out world we live in, will purchase my Styrofoam cup of paper clips and used travel size shampoo and conditioner. I may not get a lot of money out of it, but somebody will actually use their time to bid on MY piece of junk, and of course, little money is better than no money.
But I’ve got a better idea. When I’m done selling my real stuff (stuff that a lot of people would want to buy), I’m going to take a picture of myself putting gum in my mouth, chewing it, taking it out and putting into a Ziploc bag…because you know why? I’m going to sell it on Ebay. I swear.
I’d just love for someone to purchase MY used gum. Honestly, who the hell can say, “Yeah, I sold my used gum for five bucks on eBay..pfff.”
I’d like to be that person.
Symmetrical faces.
So research shows that we are subconsciously more attracted to people with symmetrical faces. I am not one of those people, but if I did have a well-proportioned face it would look something like this:
The left photo is based on the right side of my face, and the right photo is my left side.
After some careful deliberation, I’ve decided that the left side is my good side…yeah that’s the crip side. HA!! I crack myself up sometimes. Ok not funny. Anyways, it’s kind of adorable, in a freakishly Star Trek kind of way, but check out the raunchy photo on the left! Shit guys, you’re telling ME that I’d get laid if I’d looked like that?
I think I’ll pass and stick with my original, asymmetrical sex face.
I made a monster.
I made a horrible mistake yesterday. My niece was having trouble making a mask so I insisted to help her.
Well…it turns out that the mask I made for her is creepy as fuck! Especially when it’s on little kids, it’s fucking creepy. And the simple fact that she never wanted to take it off added more creepiness to the whole situation.
I have proof of its creeptivity:
Aw man what the hell is that?! She needs to take the mask off before it controls her to steal candy and hurt tiny animals.
The mask CERTAINLY reminds me of The Strangers, a horror movie that’s set to come out on May 30. From what I can tell, it’s about a young couple who are terrorized by a family of twisted mask-wearing murderers that sneak into the couple’s house. Judging by the trailer, it looks very scary, and very scary is very good. And yes, I’ll be watching this on the 30th.
Here’s a screen shot of the movie that happens to look like the picture I took of my niece. Ahhhhhhhh!!
A handphone charging station? How convenient!
I commend the handphone charging station for saving calls.
Yeah it may seem a little geeky at first, and it may seem awkward if you’re standing next to a stranger who’s charging their cell phone too, but this is an excellent invention whether you like it or not!
I hear you mock, “But tis a machine for irresponsible lazy good-for-nothing Americans!”
This is the technology of the future! I carry an ancient phone with an ancient battery pack that needs charging every time I’m on the phone for at least an hour, so I give handphone charging station a thumbs up of approval and awesomeness.
The Golden Ratio on mah face.
Yeah, I have a Dunny layout 
I love those little dweebs.
I made a podcast about the “golden mean” (it has tons of names) for one of my art classes. If you want to check the video out you can click here, a fascinating subject if you haven’t heard of it yet
Also, I must reiterate that I do not have a lisp; it’s a cheap microphone.
When I was recording my voice for the project, I couldn’t help but notice how severely annoying it is for my hands to move as I talk. I talk with my hands. Hardcore. I couldn’t stop flicking and swooshing them back and forth. If someone were to tie my hands back, I would probably stumble on my words, hell, I probably couldn’t talk at all.
Well back to the topic, I found a female mask online that is based on the proportions of the golden mean (aka Golden Ratio Mask).
The mask fits flawlessly on Angelina Jolie’s face, yeah no surprise there. It also fits on my sister’s face like a perfect puzzle piece, so I’m thinking, if it’s going to fit on her then it’s going to fit on me.
The shocking results…
Lo and behold! I’m a golden reject!
Gotdamnit, nothings aligned with my face. According to nature’s standard of perfection and beauty and all things nice, I’m not hot. Ouch.
Yeah, whatever my mom thinks I’m beautiful! If you want to try on the mask yourself, the link is right here and let me know how it turns out.
Baby Art
My sister’s baby shower was today and overall I had a good time. I’m not going into the specifics, but one of the highlights was the baby shower game, “Make a Baby.”
Rule was simply to mold a baby out of play dough, and the mommy-to-be picks the best one.
And I thought I’d share the entries to you guys, since I find them to be QUITE the amusement!
(^ this was my favorite. it’s a crying baby sitting on it’s own piss, but unfortunately it is not the winning piece. WAH)
(he’s holding a crown, since the baby’s name is going to be Kingston)
(a mummified baby?)
(I see this one’s been working in a coal mine)
(this is one of those instances where you say, “wtf?”)
oh but it gets even more interesting…
(I guess they misunderstood my directions. How to Make a Baby: A woman, a man, and your customary whips and handcuffs)
(and the winner! though i still think the first 2nd one should have won. boooo)
Bugs are worthless.
I saw the coolest thing today.
I went to the bathroom just a couple of minutes ago, and the first thing I noticed was a silverfish hanging out on MY bathroom floor.
I hate silver fishes, ok? They’re disgusting and always leaving tiny holes in my papers and sweaters. Nothing would be more gratifying than to burn all silvershits to its death.
Well back to the story, I have a wad of toilet paper in my hand and I’m about ready to deck this guy. As I pull my arm back to deliver the blow, a small daddy long leg literally jumped out of nowhere and started to attack the silver fish.
The bug on bug collision was a great comical moment. Daddy long leg is struggling to keep its poise on the silver’s (for short) back, as if it was on a turbulent silverfish rodeo while silver is running in tiny circles, probably wanting to scream, “Get this whore off my back!” if he only had a voice.
In the end, daddy long leg fell off the horse, unfortunately, and silver escaped. But luckily, for the great human I am, superior to all animals and insects, I killed him. And I ended up killing the daddy long leg too for failing its job.
I am a procrastinator, a genius, and apparently a serial killer too.
In case you were wondering, I haven’t started any of my projects yet. I know, I’m terrible. However I did use most of my time to figure out how to play Youtube videos and movies in my Nintendo DS Lite…
Plan succeeded.
The quality of the videos are actually very clear. My DS is officially the epitome of badass; besides playing video games, I can now surf the internet, chat on AIM, listen to music, read comics, and watch videos. Now I just have to figure out how to call people with it. 
Later in the day, I decided to do a little research about serial killers just out of curiosity and personal interest. Upon reading the common child behavior traits among serial killers, I found out that my traits as a child qualifies as a potential serial killer. Umm come again? That’s pretty funny if you ask me. I’m sure if I give anyone that list, they can say that they have done at least half of the things they did as a child, since children, in general, are crazy already. But there were 25 focal characteristics and I had about 20 of those.
I even read about other distinctive warning signs in childhood and I had all of those signs. Even though some of the things still stay with me today, I can assure you that I’m no where near a bloodthirsty psychopathic creep with a foot fetish…I’m just special.
Seriously though, I was an exceptionally odd, immoral child. Glad to know that I grew out of it!
