Enjoy your baby scent while it last, kiddo.

Changing: I’m the kind of person who will rearrange the positioning of their furniture every 3-4 months because I CANNOT stand stagnation. Keeping things the “same” is simply uninteresting, lame and boring. It’s not just furniture either, it’s practically everything in my life. Before I didn’t have to pay a crap-ton of bills, I could afford seeing a hairstylist every three months so they can dye and cut my hair into a completely drastic look. Currently, I’ve had this black long hair far too long and I’m just itching to go back to the salon and turn into a new woman.

Tiff, in blonde flavor, circa '07.

Watching pastry chefs handle dough: Ever since I was a kid, I was always fascinated with dough and how they were used in baking pastries. I don’t really know why, I just think it’s cool. First off, touching dough alone feels really orgasmic to me. It’s soft, delicate, and putty–I would probably try motorboating it if nobody was looking. And secondly, watching the chefs on those cooking documentaries play with them to make really delicious pastries is just a whole new level of awesome.

Building (girly) robots: In one of my older posts, I mentioned finding a new hobby which was putting gundam models together. I’m pretty sure some people thought I never started on it, but I already finished making three awesome little models! I love working with gundams that lean towards the “cuter” side. The next one I will be working on will be a unicorn-hybrid, but that shouldn’t be surprising anymore.

Don't fuck wit Team Fabulous

Rollerblading: Ah, rollerblading is quite special to me. One of my favorite things about rollerblading is that I always get strange looks from people all the time, who are possibly thinking, “Rollerblades still exist?” Yes, they do. Few. They’re generally used by children and white suburban men in their 50′s, but that still counts right?

Back then, I use to rollerblade a lot with the other kids in my old neighborhood. Once, when I was only six, we were rollerblading together out in the streets and I just remembered all of us ending up skating back to our houses for our lives because apparently a man was chasing us down, he wanted to kidnap one of us (we were all very young girls). Seriously, that was terrifying for me. Good thing we out-bladed that sick pedophilin’ bastard.

I probably have a wedgie but rollerblading makes me not give any fucks.

5. January Jones

"Hi, I'm beautiful, and I'm not really going to drink this milk."

Simple, gorgeous and sophisticated–she is the definition of classic beauty. I first heard about January during the time when Jason Sudeikis was banging her, but it was the movie Unknown (2011) that had gotten her my full attention. I couldn’t help but notice how little or simple her makeup was in the movie because she still managed to look like a perfect ten (HOW DO DEY DO DAT?!)

I get a sense that she’s assertive and confident…or perhaps just a stubborn and uptight woman. I don’t know, I’m really just judging off from a funny quote of her’s when asked about bitches and high school: “Where are you getting this shit? It sounds like something I might have said when I was, like, 15. The bitches in high school were bitches because I was pretty.”

Say what you will, but the blunt & bitchy attitude vibe I get from her is more entertaining instead of annoying, and it just makes her that more desirable (it also helps that she’s basically Emma Frost, can’t wait to watch the movie!).

4. Mila Kunis

"lf1m tank and ranged dps, pst your ilvl and achivments"

I’ve always admired the Russian hottie but fell in love with her instantly after finding out she was actually a super hot geek who use to play World of Warcraft with her then-boyfriend, Macaulay Culkin. This girl played it for sure–not some bullshit where the highest level you reached was only 20–she’s the real deal. I once remember reading an article where the interviewer quizzed her on her knowledge of the MMO and she got most of the questions right.

Several years ago, I also watched her get punk’d by one of Ashton Kutcher’s usual celebrity pranks, and all I remember was her yelling in Russian, pissed off as ever. It was actually very sexy, speaking–well in this case, yelling, in her native tongue and all. Mila is obviously every geek’s fantasy.

3. Taylor Momsen

You are going to jail for looking at this picture.

Yeah, I’m aware that she’s still underage and 17 but I swear it won’t be that creepy anymore until you read this again a month later.

It’s not all too surprising to me that she was the same innocent and adorable little girl who we once first saw in How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000).  Today, she’s got crazy raccoon eyes, dressed as to what people are comparing to as a hooker, flashed the crowd with her jailbait-tittys, and she’s got her own rockband, The Pretty Reckless. I like her because she mature yet rebellious. She’s always looking like a total trainwreck yet somehow still remains glamorous. She’s the “product of the industry”–the perfect example of what would happen if your parents forced you into acting at such a young age.

I like her band so far. Sure, the music sounds kind of wannabe rock n’ roll, but she’s only 17, man. She’s got potential and one hell of a great voice for a yougin’.

Also, she’s got a really great pair of fucking boots.

2. Adele

"There's a baaaad itch coming from his balls!"

She’s a beautiful woman with a powerful voice–her voice, HER VOICE, why is her voice so largely magnificent and out of this world!? There are no gimmicks to Adele whatsoever. She looks healthy and dresses fairly normal–no super bras that shoot out children or fireworks, no pair of sunglasses dipped in fabulous disco lights. It’s just her and her god-like voice, singing in the mic on a regular stage, and the audience is enamored.

It’s quite clear that she’s incredibly talented and has a gift. Adele can even sing about a man scratching his ballsack and it would still sound like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard.

1. Natalie Portman

"Why yes, I was sperminated by a swan-man."

Well, I guess you’re not too surprised to see her at the top spot since she’s at the peak of her career, winning awards for “Best Actress” left and right–but seriously–she’s got the whole package. She’s a hardass who knows how to rock a bald head and she’s kind of intimidating, “I’m going to college. I don’t care if it ruins my career. I’d rather be smart than a movie star,” Her words not mine.

You knew she was going to be successful from the moment you saw her awesome performance in Leon: The Professional (1994), but she exceeded our expectations by being ridiculously hilarious and laugh-out-loud funny when she rapped in a SNL skit (it was apparently her idea to rap), graduating from Harvard with a B.A. degree in Psychology, and getting knocked up by a ballerina. These sort of things don’t happen to people everyday!

Also, in high school, she wrote a paper titled, “A Simple Method to Demonstrate the Enzymatic Production of Hydrogen from Sugar”…I don’t even know what any of that means!

Natalie Portman is a beyond gorgeous, funny, talented and intelligent woman. If I could trade places would anyone, it’d definitely be her (maybe before the pregnancy).

If this whole entire thing was real, if Harold Camping’s calculations were right all along, this is how I would’ve taken advantage of my time left here on this earth:

1. Keep stuffing my face with food

Yes, I love food very much. Knowing that the world would end in 24 hours, there will be no shame, no guilt to devouring every food on sight until my body can’t take it anymore.

For breakfast, I’d make myself a nice, big hearty meal. I’d have chocolate chip covered pancakes, bacon, hash browns, sunny side up eggs, and I’ll wash it all down with a nice tall glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. For lunch, I’d have Korean BBQ. For appetizers, I’d have fried potato skins. For dinner, Shabu Shabu. And for dessert, I would have anything that is French-influenced, like cream puffs, fondant au chocolate, cream bulee and the like. Oh it would be so amazing.

2. Spend quality time with my family

I think “quality time” to me would be simply giving each of my family members a really big and long bear hug (as I try to hold in my tears). Because nothing says, “Everyone’s going to die tomorrow soo here’s an I love you!” like a bear hug.

3. Tell my friends how much they really mean to me

I have few friends, but they’re really good friends. We’re typically not the type to be emotional and mushy to each other. Like, we’re not the kind of girls who’d say, “Hey, did I ever tell you that you are an astounding person? Thank you for being my friend.” It’s more like, “Dude, you just volley punched that guy in the nads like Ip Man. You’re awesome.”

A time like this, I would certainly have to be more vulnerable, open and thank them for being my true buddies.

4. Try illegal substances

First off, I have never touched a single drug in my entire life, ever (besides the medication for my allergies I get at CVS Pharmacy!). I am 100% clean and I have no intentions of experimenting with anything illegal whatsoever. But. If I knew for sure our lives would end the following day, I’d say, “F-ck it, it’s the end of the world, let’s get shitfaced with shrooms, LSD, and possibly coke.” In reality though, I probably wouldn’t know where the hell to get any of these things I just mentioned. Um, I guess I’ll stick with my cream puffs then.

5. Take a nice, long, lazy nap with my boyfriend

Two things I love the most: My boyfriend (I know, I know, awwwwwww) and taking naps.

Naps are one of the greatest things nature has given to us, so with the remaining time I have left, I would definitely like to end my night…er I mean life, with a really good nap while my boyfriend spoons me.  I also don’t really want to be awake when shit starts hitting the fan–I rather nap my way through the Rapture, thanks.

….I prefer the single life. I don’t like commitment. I don’t ever want to get married. My opinions might change as I get older, but at this rate, going solo is the way to go. Also, I get ready really fast when I go out. Typically, my daily regime before heading out would be to change my clothes, use the bathroom, and then put on some deodorant. There’s nothing to it.

Today, I have a boyfriend and we’re happy, so I definitely rather be with him than be single (who’d a thunk it!?). I also take a little bit longer to get ready now. It might be due to the fact that I have a boyfriend and I guess I just want to look hot for him. And looking hot takes time.

Anyhoo, to carry on the good ol’ Tiff-blogging tradition, here are a few more facts for this year:

1. Wearing lipstick makes me feel whole again. Did that creep you out a little bit? Let me rephrase that: Without it, I’d feel like a part of my face would be naked–ok–not that you should be wearing clothes on your face or anything. I guess I rather look like a hot clown all the time.

2. I have a couple of sleeping disorders. In my sleep, I grind my teeth, sleep talk, sleep walk (sometimes other random physical activities) AND the complete opposite of sleep walking: sleep paralysis. Sleep paralysis is when you’re conscious (more or less) but your body is paralyzed and usually have a hard time breathing. That’s really the gist of it.

It’s one of the scariest things to experience because you can’t call for help! If you live with somebody, they would think you’re probably sleeping beauty when you’re all sleeping but NO–you’re really awake, conscious and aware of your surroundings and you’re slowly suffocating and your body is immobile–just fucking terrified out of your goddamn mind. I use to get it a couple of times a week, but now it’s just a few times a month.

3. Apparently, I look like someone. I always do. Friends, strangers, family members and acquaintances tend to mix me up with someone they know or use to know. I get a lot of, “Wow, you look just like my old best friend from high school!” “You should meet my cousin, you guys are twins,” or “Oh hey Crystal! Crystal? Oh, er, sorry I thought you were somebody else.”

It use to get REAL annoying, like, back in high school, there was a chick who didn’t like me and I later found out it was because some girl gave her a dirty look at church once and she thought the girl was me. Bitch, please.

The Most Average Female Asian Face in Teh World

At present, I’ve come to accept the fact that I have that average face everybody just knows…or that all Asian people look alike. One of those.

4. I feel bad for my boyfriend, because I act like my true, raw self when I’m with him, only him. If you remember what your psychology instructor use to teach you, then you should have an idea of the psychoanalytic theory of personality by Freud–which is composed of three parts: Id, ego and super-ego. My boyfriend, unfortunately, gets to witness the “id” concept of my personality. When he’s around, my actions tend to be a bit more impulsive and sometimes infantile (hey it’s out of love, man!).

Though, I’m guessing (more like hoping) it should be similar for other couples as well. Say, you’re on your first date with a guy who you’re really attracted to. To impress him you’re obviously going to try to sell yourself to him and convince him that you’re a really fun, awesome, far-from-psycho girl who deserves a second date (the ego). And THEN when you guys are finally an item, the longer you stay with him the more you are open and comfortable around him–and the more you’re comfortable are the more you…act out your basic instincts and blurt out whatever’s on your mind (the id!).

To everyone else and on this blog, I’m a fairly normal, stable person. To my boyfriend, well, I’m something else. *Smiles innocently*

5. Writing doesn’t come natural to me. This might sound really sad, but every time I’m typing up a long entry for this blog my brain gets a workout. Heck, I’m pretty positive I’m getting a good noggin’ exercise from typing this entry right now because of the following:

• Every time I try to figure out a difficult puzzle or a hardcore math problem my brain literally hurts. I feel it right now. Owie. See?
• No matter how tired or beat I am, I usually have a very hard time falling asleep after writing an entry because my brain is still running all over the place trying to figure out what the hell I just typed up for the last three hours.
• Speaking of three hours, that’s how long it usually takes me to type a regular entry. I don’t know how long it takes for other people to finish their entries, but I’m guessing it’s much faster than mine. I’m actually a pretty fast typer, I just have a harder time putting the right words together.

Because I only have 9 guilty pleasures!

9. Mixing ketchup with ramen noodles

With the exception of my older sister, I seem to be the only one enjoying this genius combination of two great things: ketchup and ramen noodles. At the same time, I feel very guilty about it because nobody seems to get it–and when I bring it up people tend to look at me as if I’m a nutjob who blows other children’s birthday candles out for fun. Is it that bad? You should all try it anyway.

Photo courtesy of my fellow ketchup-ramen eating sister

8. Listening to music generally deemed “shitty”

When it comes to music, I have the mindset of a 13-year-old tween. I don’t know what happen, but I just never matured in that area. I love practically any songs from Britney Spears, Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Jennifer Lopez and Lady Gaga because they’re so fun, upbeat and it makes you want to bust a goddamn fistpump in the air! Sure, there are other great bands and artists I like that doesn’t make you want to punch babies, but I, shamefully, listen to mainstream pop music more than anything else in the world. I can’t halp it.

Bad music comes with bad album covers sometimes. Ok jk. Not really.

7. Taking photos of myself (or coercing other people) in attempt showoff my “style”

With an increasing popularity of fashion blogs and sites like Lookbook.nu, a lot of us now are taking photos of ourselves in the clothes that we like and then posting them in our blogs. As a girl who’s into fashion, I think it’s a marvelous idea. But when I do it there’s a part of me that feels slightly embarrassed–not just because my boyfriend rolls his eyes at me every time–but because the photos sort of come off narcissistic, like I’m actually thinking “Hey, I think I’m one HELL of a fashionista and I ALWAYS know what to wear. Here are some pictures to help you dress as cool as me.” Guilty.

Hey, I think I'm one HELL of a fashionista and I ALWAYS know what to wear.

6. Turning my boyfriend into an internet meme

Whenever I come up with a funny line that relates to my boyfriend, I’ll make one of those internet meme out of him and send it to him. I feel a little bad sometimes because I’m mocking him in a way, but he always gets a kick out of it. Unfortunately, these are mainly inside jokes so I don’t think people are going to find it funny. However, if you read this entry before, you might get this one:

LMAO, funny right? Ok, nvm.

5. Buying shiny, sparkly things that are dangerously tacky

WAIT! Before you assume I have generally bad taste in stuff, I think I have a perfectly reasonable excuse for my sparkly obsession! I love expressing myself through clothes and accessories–most of the time it’s by wearing something that’s colorful and vibrant. Whenever I’m feeling lazy and I have on something that’s very plain, I carry one of those glittery Betseyville bags to make up for it’s dullness.

Still, that doesn’t explain the little accessories. Huh.

Everytime I come around yo city BLANG BLANG

4. Rapping to Nicki Minaj’s verses (to anyone who’s willing to listen, jk)

Could I get that salt all around that rim rim RIM RIM TREY? I WAS LIKE YO TREY? DO YOU THINK YOU COULD BUY A BOTTLE OF ROSEH?

It's Barbie, betch.

3. Watching real douchebags hunt for “real” ghosts

There’s a TV show I sort of watch called “Ghost Adventures” and, well, I sort of like it. It’s about three ghost hunters who investigate locations that are known to be haunted. I have no shame in having a border-line obsession with the paranormal, but I do have a slight problem that these ghost hunters are your typical meathead bros who probably have no idea what the hell they’re doing.

Basically, it’s a combination of “Jersey Shore” and “Ghost Hunters”. That’s what it really is. It’s the perfect recipe for quality entertainment.  You get to see the awesome haunted locations and the spooky ghostly adventures, but you also get the frat party boy experience.

"My name is Zak Bagans. I never believed in ghosts until I became a Ghost Bro."

2. Playing multiplayer first-person shooter games WHILE pretending to be a menopausal Asian woman fresh off the boat

Yes, I’m sub-guilty of two things: Playing a multiplayer FPS games which has no actual storyline to it (ie: Team Fortress 2)–you just pew pew, and pretending to be this woman below me:

Thas Mrs. Thai to you

I don’t know who she is or what her real name is, but I found her from Mymomisafob.com a long time ago and thought she’d make the ideal avatar and online-gaming alter ego for me. When I feel obligated to communicate with my team, I purposely talk with a stereotypical Vietnamese accent just to see the responses I’d get. Usually, it’s either silence, giggles and “what the fuck?”, or random comments of politeness. You have to respect your elders, man.

1. Deceiving the world with my big and lifeless Anime eyes

This one deserves #1 spot because it makes me look like a pretty big hypocrite, although I didn’t actually realize it until writing this entry. One of the things I’m against is beauty being manipulated by using Photoshop–yet here I am “photoshopping” myself IN A WAY by using makeup and circle contact lens to make my eyes appear bigger and rounder than it really is (and to somehow try to match its proportions to my big honker of a nose).

Circle contact lens (also known as “circle lens” or “geo lens”) is a type of contact lens that gives you the illusion of having bigger eyes by applying a dark ring around the edges of the lens and increasing the size of the diameter. Here’s a cropped photo (yes, cropped, trust me you will be thankful) I have of myself with no eye makeup and geo lens, and a photo of myself after applying both of them.

With the power of makeup, Geo Lens, and extreme Myspace picture angle, anything is possible

It makes a pretty big difference.

Even though I only wear it on occasions now, I personally still like the idea of having round, dopey extraterrestrial eyes–but I do get the feeling that my friends and everyone else gets creeped out by it. You know they’re not digging the look when you get smartass remarks such as, “Your contacts make you look totally stoned,”  “You’re like that dude in Limp Bizkit!”, or “There’s like, nothingness in your eyes.”

This is going to be a Part Two (or perhaps an upgrade) of the original post. And assuming that most of the regular visitors on here do not have a speech problem, I will write couple of tips on how to react when you’re talking to a stutterer.

How to deal with a person who stutters

1. Please be aware that stuttering does not equate to mental retardation. Stuttering is a neurological weakness which affects the words that come out of  their mouths–not their entire mental capacity, so treat them like normal human beings.

2. Maintain normal eye contact and look normal–try not to look embarrassed or startled.

3. Do not make remarks such as, “Calm down,” “Slow down”, or “Pause, and think about what you’re going to say” (My sister use to do this a lot when I was younger and the only thing it did was make me feel very impatient and frustrated).

4. Be patient.

5. If you have a hard time understanding what they’re trying to say, don’t hesitate to ask, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that for me again?” They should know that their stuttering will make it harder for other people to understand, so don’t be afraid to ask.

6. Unless you know this person very well, refrain from finishing/correcting their sentences. This can imply that you are being impatient.

7. Basically, be yourself and be polite just as if you were to interact with any other person.

(reference)

How to deal with stuttering (or stammering)

Obviously, I’m not guaranteeing that all of your stuttering and stammering will stop overnight–heck even I still have my moments to this day. Stuttering is one of the most difficult things to overcome and it may take many years of speech therapy and practice to become better. Even though we may possibly never find the exact answers to what causes this particular frustrating speech problem, I do believe if you keep on training your brain to get into the habit of using these methods, you will improve each time.

What works for me and may not work for you. At present, I’m still struggling with certain words, but a lot of people don’t even know that I have a stuttering problem now. People tend to misinterpret my stutters as being nervous, hesitant, intimidated and insecure…or that I have a mild case of turrets.  That’s a whole another story though.

Informing them

This one is completely optional and it really depends on you and your comfort level. Each time you have a conversation with someone whom you’ve just met for the first time, casually mention that you have a speech problem somewhere in the discussion–no matter how hard it might be to say it:  “I hate it when I stutter” or “Sorry about my stuttering.”

I believe stuttering is at its worse when you’re talking to an unfamiliar person. The interaction with strangers creates anxiety and nervousness, and nervousness creates stuttering and other speech slip-ups. Letting a person know that you stutter alleviates A LOT of that uncomfortable tension for you and the person you’re talking to. You’re also clarifying and confirming to them that you DO have a stuttering problem and you’re not mentally challenged (as some folks might misinterpret stuttering for that), it’s just your speech.

Bob your head

Some people are very expressive with their hands when they’re talking. What people don’t usually notice though is you can also “talk” with your head/neck. I found that most heavy stutterers are very stagnant when they’re talking to someone else–which is something you want to avoid entirely!

Next time, sway your head back and forth, side to side as you are speaking, and if you’re having trouble with a word, bob your head like you’re about to headbang but somebody turned off the music so you only did it half way.

IE: “My dog just p-p-p-p-p*HEADBANG*peed on the carpet.”  The point of bobbing (or halfway headbanging) your head is to create a distraction for your brain. So be animated! They won’t see it comin.

Bounce your words off

There’s a really great scene in The King’s Speech where the main character, King George VI–who was also known to be a pretty awful stammerer–was giving his radio speech to the country while his speech mentor was in the same room with him, guiding him and his every spoken word. When the king came across the word he was about to stumble on, people, his mentor whispers to him, “Bounce it off! Bounce it off!” So without screwing up the word, he says, “AH-people”.

This method is so clever and it’s easily the most effective for me. If you know you’re about to screw up a word, bounce it off by discreetly adding an “A” sound in front of that word. It seems rather odd to be adding a random sound in front of a word, but people typically don’t notice.

Find a rhythm

When stutterers sing, they typically don’t stutter AT ALL mainly because they are already familiar with the lyrics and the beat of the music, so everything tends to flow very fluidly. Next time, try to someone you’re completely comfortable with, and instead of just “talking” sing your sentences by applying a beat of one of your favorite songs. If that works for you, you should do it as an exercise every day so you can get into the habit of–not so much singing–but talking with a subtle beat.

OR

Find the rhythm in what you’re saying–keeping a steady beat by rocking your feet back and forth will certainly help your speech flow better.

Conclusion

It really just isn’t all about using your mouth and vocal cords. It’s about putting your body into motion, bobbing or twitching certain parts of your body, and distracting yourself from messing up by doing those things!

If you would like to read more on stuttering, check out some of the blogs that covers it: The Stuttering Brain and Stutter Talk.

I’m 23 now.

If anyone has gone through adolescence, I’m sure you may know that we change, evolve and develop the most during this stage…so looking at these ancient files again sort of makes me me cringe, and burn that CD to crisp to get rid of any evidence that I was once an annoying, ditsy tween.

Oy, but a part of me wants to keep it for the memories and giggles. Even though I’ve saved the lamest shit in my files, it’s a part of my internet-history–an internet history I’d like to share with the rest of my fellow brethren…

10. Blinkies

Careful, you might get an epileptic seizure if you stare at them long enough!

Blinkies, at the time, were the cutest things to have when you were 14 because they were small animations that looked glittery and shiny, and it either had a heart, fairy or some cute little shit dancing around it.

The best part about blinkies was making them. Yes, I made them, each and every one of these cute, bedazzled little fuckers you see in this post. It was especially enjoyable making ‘em too, simply because there are so many creative ways you can think of to make an awesome blinkie. You can have the words blink, scroll, dance or make it go flat our crazy–the choice is your’s!

9. Cartoon Dolls & Shorties

Cartoon dolls were pixel drawings of girls that generally looked pretty slutty. You’d collect them by googling (well, technically, geociting) them on the internet and then you start saving the ones you found attractive to your computer. I had such a huge collection of them that I had to categorize my files into: fairieZ, famous people, goths n punks, oOo Dudes, preps, sHorTiEz, thugs, and mermaids.

This is only a preview of what I actually have

Chatrooms were all the rage during that time, so I use to go to ThePalace.com(?) and download their chatroom where everyone else there had a cartoon doll avatar. Sounds boring, but I remember I was always looking forward to logging on to the palace after school or church to show off my cool cartoon doll.

8. Lame collage of myself

I specifically remember doing this because all of the other cool Asian chicks at my high school did the same thing. They would cut and paste all of their heads to one single photo and usually add their nicknames in front using a lame gangster-graffiti font. This was “the” image I used to try to fit in with the cool Asians.

Hai, asl?

The collage didn’t end up working that well, and it only attracted fairly ugly guys on Findapix.com (an old site where you rate people on a scale of hotness).

7. My emo drawings of emo kids

Yes, I went through an emo phase when I was 16. I dyed my strands hot pink, stretched my ear lobes to 00g, cried in corners, and doodled emo characters who were the only ones that understood me.

These are my pals: Kiki Kannibal, Gary Gruesome, Devon Disaster, Juliana Jackal and Harry Fucking Hollywood.

They’re a bit creepy to me–so glad I’m drawing unicorns ripping little ponies to shred now.

6. Christmas Babies

The wtf part about this is I don’t remember why I have random stock images of Caucasion babies in Christmas costumes.

Christmas babies, where did you come from!?

Funny, my boyfriend always told me I was “baby crazy”, looks like I’ve been crazy for babies for a long time…

5. Random Asian hotties…and my face

I guess it doesn’t hurt to have some eyecandy in your computer.

The definition of beauty (and probably lack of personality)

Yeah, after screen-shotting that, I just noticed my face is photoshopped in one of the photos. Totally over it now *hides her t-shirts of Korean hotties*

4. I had a mullet?

Jesus Christ why do I have a mullet?

This is for Myspace!

3. A poem I made for Osama Bin Laden

Ha, this one’s pretty deep. Not.

I wrote this shortly after the 9/11 attacks. I was so angry and hurt about the unfortunate events that I blew off my steam by writing a poem about the man who caused it.

That'll teach him.

Gotta love the alternating reds and blues, it screams patriotism!

2. Just go along with it

When I noticed this animated gif I couldn’t stop giggling. I guess my humor hasn’t changed all that much.

Guess that's one way to mow the lawn.

Also, I know this is from a TV show, but where?

1. Not enough pink.

These are the screenshots of the first layouts I started creating for my older blogs. When I saw this today I felt like vomiting because I’ve never seen so much pink in my entire life.

What the hell happen here? Why is everything so goddamn pink? Was I not aware of the existence of other colors at the time?  I want to know my thought process when I made these layouts, ’cause this is just plain disgusting.

Most of these layouts were made out of Pepto Bismol

Regardless, I think it’s really, really neato that you can see the evolution of my photoshop skillz. If you look at my screenshots from left to right, they are in chronological order.

Now what might be some of those kickass things I will be doing that’s so kickass for the summer you ask?

Well, I’m decorating my new bedroom (hey I consider that to be kickass thanks). I want my bedroom to scream…ohhh I don’t know…five-year-old girl with a sick and twisted fucked-up mind? Mebbe. I bought a bedroom set that’s actually meant for younger girls (lol);  it’s really adorable, has a pure cottage-vintagey taste to it, however, I’m planning to add certain things that will add a touch of creepiness to it, just a touch (An understatement? Mebbe).

I’ve already purchased two adorable plush taxidermy from T&A Friendly for my wall:

Next week, I will be going to Las Vegas for the first time for my brother’s fiance’s bachelorette party.  Part of the trip includes seeing Thunder Down Under, which I am a little nervous by, just ’cause I’m not so much turned on by male strippers. I think they’re gross.  I rather, very much, check out female strippers as oppose to seeing a squad of male strippers completely stripped of their manliness-doing awkward stripper dance routines to which I consider is more feminine.

Then there is my brother’s wedding.  And I get to have their place in Santa Ana all to myself for a couple of days when they’re at their honeymoon. There will be lots of furniture shopping, museums to check out, and foods to eat.

Lacuna Coil show in Hollywood with my kickass friends. Three goals I have for the show is to:

1. Rock out really hard with friends.
2. Not get hurt.
3. To add more deadliness into a deadly mosh pit by performing a roundhouse kick of death (but that could conflict with goal #2 wouldn’t it?)

And the best of all, Comic-Con and Video Games Lives in San Diego!  Will be dressing up as the female counterpart of Kakashi from Naruto!!

So there you have it, my kickass plans for the summer.  And if I’m not blogging as usual, you can look at these tasteful photos that was taken recently at Cheesecake Factory restaurant.  My beauty will surely keep you occupied entranced until the next entry…

I don’t know what the genre is called but the one I’m listening to it right now (yes, he’s playing it at this very moment) is fast, usually one-note, and every now and then you hear a man’s voice and it’s always either really high-pitched and piercing (weee beeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!) or really low and throaty.

I really don’t know what I’m listening to but I fucking love it.

2. Answering a shitload of questions on Yahoo! Answers
About once a month, for three whole years, I’ve been going on Yahoo Answers late at night to enlighten minds.

3. Asking a shitload of dumb questions on Yahoo! Answers
I’ll be honest here; some of my questions on there are really pathetic, though I do it anyway because their answers give me some weird sense of finality and certainty.

Believe it or not, I’m the person who Yahoo users think is suffering from paranoia because I’d ask completely unnecessary questions such as, “Does he rly like me?” and in the description I’d put shit like, “Well…we text each other a lot, and well…we talk on the phone until 4am and he buys me dinner. What do you think?”

When more than one person answers, “Yeah sounds like you guys have something going on” I can sleep at night.

I can’t help myself.

4. Eating at Denny’s or iHop with buddies until 3 or 4 A.M.
For some reasons breakfast just taste so fucking delicious during that time-not that breakfast food isn’t generally good, it’s just 10x better when you eat it around 3 in the morning.

5. Coughing up a gnarly looking loogie and analyzing it
Thanks to one of my gaming buddies, Dan, he recently mentioned something about examining a loogie after spitting it out, to which I bashfully replied, “I uh…I do that.”

I’m actually sick right now, and for the past few days, I’ve been hocking up the gnarliest looking shit-globs of shit snot and mucous you will ever see in your lifetime. And it fucking hurts too. It’s the kind of loogie where it feels like it’s slicing your throat with a vegetable peeler ever time you cough or clear your throat.

It’s so gnarly that after every spit, I’d say, “What the fuck is that?” and I’d end up studying it for a minute or two, you know, inspecting the coloration, the impressions that it leaves when I wiggle it with my finger, the layers, the depth, and the moisture of the loogie.

2. My first physical fight happened when I was six years old. My opponent, Michelle Tran, and I both wore adult sized boxing gloves. My memory of the incident is still clear as day. I remember the people who were watching and rooting for us (my older siblings and mostly our neighborhood gangbangers who made us duke it out), I remember where the punches were thrown, and unfortunately, I remember that I lost.

3. When I was four, my older sister thought it was funny to joke around by pretending to suck my brother into our vacuum. Since I thought what I had witnessed was real, it lead to my intense fear of vacuums that lasted for over ten years.

4. I had a pet African Grey Parrot named Ruby. I loved her! She would say a lot of things, even weird things, things that were never taught to her such as, “help meee!” She also liked making noises that sounded like she was coughing up a loogie (I have brothers). Ruby had a near death experience when I, accidentally, chopped her finger tip off with a nail clipper (I was cutting her nails and ended up going too far). She lost a lot of blood and her cage ended up looking like a brutal murder scene. I felt bad and her piercing bird-scream still haunts me to this day.

5. One of my earliest Internet friends was Jenalyn, whom I met on an networking website for kids called Freezone. When we were little, we both started making websites that is no different than my website today. All of the layouts were created using photoshop, and it also had an online diary, which is now called a blog. We met, literally, a decade ago, and we still keep in touch sometimes (via Myspace), and you have no idea how grateful I am for that.

6. The first zombie film I ever watched was “Night of the Living Dead” at the age of four or five, and I’ve been fascinated with zombies ever since. Prior to that, I had the proclivity to reenact the scene in Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” where the chick runs to the abandon house and frantically shoves the furniture in front of the doors and windows, but only to find that it was no good when the zombies started crashing in. That has always been my favorite part. Epic.

7. In 1997 I founded The Dolphin Club, and in 1998 I co-founded The ‘N Sync Club which had a whopping total of two committed members.

8. Five years ago. Favorite haircut:

9. Five years ago. That haircut was forever destroyed by cutting it into a nasty mullet (thought it was a good idea at the time):

10. The very first time I said “fuck” was around the age of four. I was overhearing an action movie my sister was watching that had a lot of “fucks” and “fucking” in it. Funny thing is, that paricular word caught my interest, and even though I had practically no idea what it meant, it had given me the idea to yell, “Fuck my dad and fuck you!” during the film. When my sister heard it she shrieked and asked, “What did you say?!!?” And at that very moment I knew it was a word not to disclose in front of the adults, but rather to share with my classmates.